Girls, girls, girls
It’s bound to happen. At some point in your life, you’ll end up at a strip club. (Resist the urge to conclude that we condone objectifying women.) And yes, there is a certain allure to going to a place with lots of women who’ll get naked for you (even if you have to pay for it). Sure, these places are often stigmatized as dark, dank rooms filled with lonely old men wearing big jackets where you can’t see their hands (and don’t want to think about where they might be). But Centerfolds Crystal Palace manages to shatter some of the preconceived notions you may harbor in your dirty, dirty mind. That’s not to say it completely sidesteps the cheese factor. Consider the master of ceremonies’ 10-minute mantra over the loudspeaker: ‘All the women are making a living off the tips you’re giving,’ he says with true white-boy rapper finesse.
In the well-lit (insert the-better-to-see-you-with joke here), clean environment surrounded by mirrors and filled with comfortable seating, it’s almost possible to think of the main floor of Crystal Palace as a local lounge. Tuesdays feature half-off drinks, driving the price down to an almost reasonable level, as long as you stay away from name-brands and don’t mind your drinks diluted. (Here’s a tip: stick with shots.) Of course, half-price liquor isn’t the draw of the place. If you are looking for friends, however, you can find them here, and like most friends, they come at a price.
Snarky and puritan references aside, it’s obvious that all the employees work hard (as witnessed by the waitress able to pull off a bustier/thong combo complete with Nike sneakers), and more important, at the Palace, we’re told they’re provided with an environment that’s comfortable, safe and profitable.
One employee, reluctant to provide either her stage or given name, so we’ll call her Concupiscence–Connie, for short–extolled the virtues of dancing sans virtue. After working various retail positions for low wages, she now finds herself with a sizable savings account. Though the prospect of dancing nude in front of strangers was daunting at first, she says she quickly got used to it, partly because of the security and support of her employer.
‘When it comes to the safety of the girls,’ Connie says, ‘this place is great. Tips are only allowed to go in my hand or my garter, there’s plenty of security around without being in people’s faces, and the dancers have the right to kick anybody off the stage area, no matter how much they’re paying.’
Centerfolds Crystal Palace
825 Ke’eaumoku St., 947-7577
Getting In: 18+, bar available for 21+ with ID. Cover varies.
Dress Code: Semi casual, and for cry eye, keep your pants on.
Soundtrack: The next person who plays Motley Cr¸e’s ‘Girls, Girls, Girls’ in my presence gets a screwdriver in their neck.
Sightings: A whole lot of Summer Haze
Signature Drink: Shots in the main room ($3), soda in the non-alcoholic rooms.
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