Honolulu Weekly

There’s an odd dichotomy with Waikiki and the surrounding areas. There’s the question of individuality versus familiarity and while the former may seem more honest, there’s no denying the lucrative aspect of corporate backing that keeps your name in the popular mindset to rake in the crowds.

And yes, the Hard Rock Cafe is an internationally recognized entity, what with 120-plus locations in 41 countries. Say you’re going to the Hard Rock, and you’re not going to get a quizzical look from your buddies, unless they’re questioning your choice of venues. They know where you’re talking about. So it hardly seems necessary to point out the location on O’ahu, as you’ve probably seen it. It’s been there since it first opened its doors in 1987. In terms of looks, it’s probably fair to say that it differs slightly from any other location. After all, one has to assume Dweezil Zappa only has so many guitars to give away.

It’s rather easy to make snarky comments about the commodification of a culture. But to be fair, you can’t deny the chain’s dedication to charity work which runs from holiday events feeding the under-privileged to their ongoing Signature Series merchandise drive where rock icons design a shirt, with 40 percent of the sales going toward the artists’ selected charities. The Hard Rock Cafe is obviously all about brand recognition. And they push said recognition with gusto. The gift shop is bigger than several bars in the immediate area, but that’s kind of the point. The entire place has a sense of the grandiose, from the huge cathedral-like ceilings to the big freakin’ 1959 Cadillac Hearse positioned directly over the center of the bar.

Let’s get something straight–this ain’t no dive bar. Order a simple whiskey and Coke and it’s going to cost you nearly seven bucks. The drink menu in fact doesn’t list any prices making it, one assumes, along the lines of ‘if you have to ask, you probably can’t afford it.’ Aside from two newly instituted timeframes (Wed., 4-7:30pm and Sat., 6-9pm) that serve Bud and Bud Light for three bucks (plus tax, geez…), what you see is what you get. Or guess, really, as the drink prices aren’t listed.

Of course, this is The Hard Rock Cafe, not the Hard Rock Watering Hole. If you want a spot to eat some nachos, hang out with friends and stare at a bunch of crap on the walls, you could do worse. Still, the Hard Rock moniker feels a little displaced for those of us who remember when Michael Anthony had the Jack Daniels guitar. The result is more like the rock stars that we know and love after they’re released from the Betty Ford Clinic.

Hard Rock Cafe

1837 Kapi’olani Blvd.
Getting In: All ages; except for the occasional special event.
Dress Code: Just don’t rock out with your you-know-what out and you’ll be fine.
Soundtrack: Take a guess, genius. Occasional live entertainment, and an awful lot of videos of shirtless men for what isn’t a gay club.
Sightings: Mickey Avalon, Kelly Slater
Signature Drink: Hurricane–though we can’t tell you how much it costs.