Honolulu Weekly

Civic Doodies

READER’S PICKS
Best sign that Honolulu picked the right guy for mayor: The potholes are being filled
Runners up: Natatorium restoration stopped, sewers fixed
You said it: ‘No revolution in the streets.’

Best sign that Honolulu picked the wrong guy for mayor:
Tie: removal of trees from Kuhio Avenue, using taxpayer money to fix those mistakes, excessive singing
You said it: ‘Too much bitching about the former mayor’

Best politician: State Rep. Roy Takumi (D) (champion mobilizer of friends and relatives)
Runners up: Councilman Charles Djou, Scott Nishimoto
You said it: ‘Jeremy Harris–’cause he’s no longer mayor.’

Best David Ezra decision: Felix Decree
Runners up: convicting liquor investigators, monitoring the state on special education and mental health services at Kaneohe State Hospital

Best evidence of your tax dollars at work: Road repairs
Runners up: bus system, Wilson Tunnel

EDITOR’S PICKS

Best reason to appreciate the Byzantine, corrupt ways of the Honolulu Liquor Commission: BYOB at some of the city’s best restaurants
Hostess bars spring up overnight completely liquored up, but a clean-cut eatery like 12th Avenue Grill waits a year to be able to serve wine and beer, and that’s with a lawyer handling all the paperwork. Of course, there are factors, such as persnickety neighbors, that can hold up a booze permit, but one has to wonder when restaurant review after restaurant review ends with: The restaurant is BYOB for now. The upside is that people who like to pair can save $20 and more on the situation. The latest reason to rejoice: Town. –Lesa Griffith

Best politician: Charles Djou
It’s tough to top a mayor who recently held a press conference announcing the arrival of a new vending machine, but we’ve got to hand it to Charles Djou. The City Councilman gets his name attached to every important issue, flooding newsroom fax machines with declarations of his position on just about everything. And guess what? It works. Djou gets more space in the dailies than any politician other than the mayor and the governor, and some weeks he even tops them. What’s that you say? Djou is a powerless council outsider with few allies and no ability to influence policy? Tell that to frustrated voters who are coming, fairly or otherwise, to see Djou as the lone voice of sanity on issues like taxes, the liquor commission, waste management and rail. As one testifier put it at a recent hearing, the Hawai’i Kai conservative is ‘the council member Djour.’–Ragnar Carlson

City Life

READER’S PICKS
Best revived neighborhood: Kaimuki
Runners up: Chinatown, Waikiki

Best tourist spot locals should visit: Hanauma Bay
Runners up: Arizona Memorial, Waikiki

Best bus route: Circle Island
Runners up: #53, Route E Express–damn you mayor
You said it: ‘None. All the bus drivers are on crack.’

Best new building: Sub-zero/Wolf showroom
Runners up: John A. Burns School of Medicine, Iolani’s Weinberg Building
You said it: ‘They’re all crap. Let’s revive gothic architecture!’

Best neighborhood for garage sales: Manoa
Runners up: Kahala, Hawai’i Kai

EDITOR’S PICKS

Best Place to Engage in Public Displays of Harmless Anti-Social Behavior: The Listening Station at Borders Books and Music, Ward Center
Experience has taught me that if you stand in front of a rack of CDs with a set of Listening Station headphones on your head, you can do pretty much anything. Scream, wiggle, sing. If people look at you funny, shrug and shout, ‘Sorry. Just jammin’ to that new Jasmine Trias CD.’ –Timothy Dyke

Best Place to tailgate: Aloha Stadium, 12C
Though traversing the Aloha Stadium parking lot on game day can be downright discouraging, a tailgating Shangri-La awaits if you can negotiate the traffic and ’security’ procedures. Section 12C is nestled under rows of shady trees on the breezy mauka side of the stadium, just a quick walk from the gate, and a quicker walk to the restroom portables. While the key to getting a good tailgate slot is an early arrival, the secret is timing your entrance through the stadium’s north gate. Stadium guidelines split the parking area into sections that allow entrance and exit only through designated gates, so a mix up could land you in the wrong area short the five-dollar parking fee. If you’re prepared, and diligent, you could wind up having more fun in the parking lot than in the stands. Now if they would just let us keep our water bottle caps in the stadium –Jarrett Keohokalole

Best Place to Break a Hip: 12th Avenue parking meters
My friend Wolfe jumps parking meters. Across from Coffee Talk is the best spot, a row of ten or so, perfectly spaced for his patented Vault-and-Splay. I can’t resist, but I am less skilled. This side-street provides optimal opportunities for Xtreme Freestyle Walking. Just make sure you have health insurance. –T.D.

Best Coffee Shop Music (Recorded): Sure Shot Cafe
I was in a bagel shop in Amsterdam once, and I watched a kid behind the counter take an Eminem CD out of his backpack to play inside the store. I remember thinking, ‘That never happens in the U.S.’ But at Sure Shot Cafe (1249 Wilder Ave, 523-2326) it could. The music here seems chosen, not programmed. On a typical visit one could hear Beth Orton, Bright Eyes, Thursday, Coldplay, Justin Timberlake, Nina Simone and Minus the Bear. –T.D.

Best Coffee Shop Music (Live): Coffee Talk
High school kids can’t hang out in bars, but that doesn’t mean they don’t want to hear live music. Piss Poor Excuse, the Suspected Collective and Fifth Freedom play often at Coffee Talk (3601 Wai’alae Ave, 737-7444) on Friday nights. And if you don’t like the scene, you can always head across the street and jump the parking meters. (Um, did I mention the thing about the health insurance?) –T.D.

Best open-air theater: Varsity Theater
We love Varsity Theater (just see last year’s Best of Honolulu)–it’s one of the city’s last art houses and we want it to stay. Just don’t go when it’s raining. Both theaters leak like strainers: During a recent showing of March of the Penguins, the entire right side of the theater had to relocate to the left to avoid the weather. And then the side exit door blew open, prompting an already damp patron to sprint to the front of the room to secure the door. Actually, it gave the Antarctic flick a Sensaround we’re-really-there moment. –Kawehi Haug

Best kitchen you don’t want to see: Kent’s Drive In
The unofficial Honolulu Weekly canteen beckons to us from across the Nu’uanu River with unholy fast food–thoughts of Kent’s (Chinatown Cultural Plaza, 521-3439) burgers and piquant chili rice lodge in our brains long before lunch hour strikes. When deadlines heighten stomach rumblings, a Weekly emissary crosses the bridge for a Kent’s run. Frozen patties are used to make the closest thing to long-gone Chunky’s cheeseburgers. We gobble them up faster than Wimpy after a week-long fast. The permanent specials yield tasty eggplant and pork and black-bean shrimp. Idling at the counter, chatting with the owners, one can spy the gloaming that is the kitchen. It’s dark and dingy nothing gleams. Jakarta street stalls are more hygienic. WhatÖwhat is that? Look away! We don’t want to know.–L.G.

Media

READER’S PICKS

Best Star-Bulletin defection: Rob Perez
Runner up: Rick Daysog

Best local commercial you love to hate: I Bankohana you, Bank of Hawaii
Runner up: ‘That’s my bank!’ Bank of Hawaii, ‘We settle claims quickly,’ AIG
You said it: ‘Ninety percent of MidWeek!’

Best local news broadcast: KHON
Runners up: KITV, Channel 6

Best local blog: Myspace.com

Best KTUH DJ: Nocturna
You said it: ‘Whoever talks the least.’

EDITOR’S PICKS

Best survivor: Lost
The tribal council may have voted Hawaii and North Shore off the island, but Lost isn’t going anywhere. With top-10 ratings, l2 Emmy nominations and the Television Critics Association Awards ‘best TV drama’ honor, the filmed-entirely-in-Hawai’i series has more than survived: It’s the biggest local hit since the heyday of Hawaii Five-O–and without Asian stereotypes. The innovative series, which combines back story with upfront island fantasy, started filming its (longer) second season two weeks ago, with its cast of strong actors, all of whom love living and filming in Hawai’i. With teams of directors and cinematographers (among them The X-Files‘ John Bartley), the show’s plans for this season are top secret, but we can tell you there’ll be more special effects. The show uses more exteriors of Hawai’i than any other series before, and has been hailed as the smartest episodic series on network television.

The question now is: Can Hawai’i itself survive–constant rumors that the series will move to Los Angeles persist. Due to our legislators’ lack of media savvy, they’re making it difficult for any series to shoot here. (Lost could film in California for 10 percent less.)

However, as long as the actors are happy (as are Naveen Andrews and Terry O’Quinn, who received Emmy nods) maybe our band of mystic survivors will stay on the sacred ‘aina.–Bob Green

Best breaking news: Ian Lind’s ilind.net
It used to be that a journalist’s biggest annoyance was PR flacks. We don’t like dealing with them, and god forbid we ever become one of them. Now, it’s bloggers–especially reporters-cum-bloggers. On O’ahu, former Star-Bulletin reporter (and occasional Weekly contributor) Ian Lind is that guy. And dammit if he doesn’t break as much, if not more news than our fair dailies (and, yes, this weekly)–when he’s not writing about his colony of cats.

Consider Malia Zimmerman’s long report on Mrs. Duke Bainum and her alleged financial gouging of an elderly man in her care. The story created a massive stir and may have cost Duke the election. Neither daily paper investigated the story, but Lind did. Within days of the Zimmerman story hitting the streets, he had posted a counter story on ilind.net in which he offered an in-depth analysis of the documents that Zimmerman used to write her story. The result: Zimmerman’s damning account was found seriously lacking. Had the dailies done the same work, the whole city would’ve known the truth.–K.H.

Best breakthrough in special effects: Kai Bovaird
When Kai Bovaird opened his film and television special-effects company–Cause and f(x) Pictures–in Honolulu last year, certain established local media types were skeptical. One old-timer told me: ‘No one [in the larger industry] will believe anyone in Hawai’i could do that.’ But Bovaird, smiling hugely as he slips his ‘demo’ CVD into a player, says he had a secret weapon: Experience.

‘Take a look,’ says Bovaird. It’s a four-minute ‘festival’ of his work. There’s a cut from one of the Matrix films, an excerpt from The Day After Tomorrow, some 3-D computer animation of crashing airplanes (lifelike as hell), some animation from commercials, two hot music videos, pre-visualization scenes from Hero and a brand new clip from an indie film about to shoot here. And Bovaird just signed to do the special effects for the second season of Lost.

When he interviewed for the job, his questioner said, ‘We didn’t know there was anyone like you in Hawai’i.’

Bovaird, now getting nibbles from China for special-effects work, intends to put his four-person company on the international film map.

‘Hawai’i could have a vibrant small film colony here,’ says Bovaird, ‘and I’m going to work on just that.’ Of course, he’s happy to work on-site–anywhere, anytime. His smile grows even broader. ‘Have magic, will travel.’ –B.G.

Best local reference tool: honoluluadvertiser.com
So investigative reporting isn’t anyone’s forte in this town. (Did we mention that Ian Lind is pretty good?) But props to the Honolulu Advertiser for having the best online resource tools. Its e-supplement on the last election was invaluable. It listed every candidate with a photo, short bio and political platform for each. Its current in-depth posting on the Akaka Bill is as good as it can be (but we’re still confused). Sometimes being a Gannettbot can be good. –K.H.

Best journalist/felon: Dalton Tanonaka
When former TV reporter Dalton Tanonaka returned to the islands to launch a political career, it didn’t seem like such a longshot. He’s smart, well-informed and has good name recognition.

In retrospect, his first campaign should have been an indication that Tanonaka might be trying to cut a few corners–with no political experience, he ran for Lt. Gov against Duke Aiona. Next, in an apparent attempt to aim lower, Tanonaka went after Neil Abercrombie, which is a better idea than running against Dan Inouye–but just barely.

The low point of that campaign came shortly after election day, when Tanonaka accused the incumbent of shirking his duties on the day that, we later learned, Abercrombie was burying his mother. When Tanonaka pled guilty to a string of campaign-finance abuses this summer, by that point, we weren’t entirely shocked. –R.C.

Best overexposed teenage girl: (tie) Bethany Hamilton & Michelle Wie
How to put this, Bethany? Everyone loves a survival story, and everyone loves a shark tale. But…hmm. Let’s put it this way: Everyone also loves a consonant here and there. And no more hanging out in the ocean making dolphin noises.

As for you, Michelle, we’re completely impressed. You seem destined for great success, and your game keeps getting better. Keep up the good work. We just wish the Advertiser would stop acting like Mike Fisch breast-fed you himself.–R.C.

Best evidence that pride goeth before a fall: John Heckathorn
In his July Editor’s Page column, John Heckathorn wrote, ‘Your magazine is among the best in the country.’

He was referring to Honolulu magazine’s strong showing at the City and Regional Magazine Association Awards, in which it won several honors including a best-in-show for publications of its size.

Heckathorn, who joined Honolulu in 1984, wrote that while the attention and praise felt good, and also that while his magazine was practically drowning in awards, so many had it won, ‘We don’t publish this magazine to win awards.’ Now he doesn’t publish that magazine at all. By the time Honolulu’s thick August issue hit the streets, the long-reigning Heckathorn was out as editor.–R.C.

Education

READER’S PICKS
Best place for a new UH dorm: Kapolei
Runner up: On the Manoa campus
You said it: ‘Right next to the best place for a new parking lot.’

Best private university: Hawaii Pacific University
Runner up: Chaminade University
Curious mentions: Oxford University, University of San Francisco

Best buy in adult education: UH
Runners up: Adult Education at Kaimuki High School, KCC
You said it: ‘Strip bar crawl through Ke’eaumoku Street.’

Best UH employee making more than 100k: June Jones
Runners up: President David McClain, Former Dean of John A. Burns School of Medicine Ed Cadman
You said it: ‘Worst is all the Board of Regents at UH.’

Best high school principal: Catherine Payne, Farrington High School
Runners up: Dennis Hokama, Roosevelt High School; Dennis Manalili, Kaimuki High School

EDITOR’S PICKS
Best PR campaign for higher education: Hawaii Pacific University
A few years back, rumor had it that some University of Hawai’i execs wanted to sue Hawaii Pacific University over its use of the phrase ‘The University.’ Seems UH felt entitled to that singular honor, but Hawaii Pacific was trying to send a message. An ongoing ad campaign features less of the international students HPU showed off in the past and more local folks staying home for college. HPU also does a great job publicizing new initiatives like their recent teacher-training program. Frankly, there’s not much of a comparison between the schools–they serve different populations and meet different needs–but the fact that HPU is managing to make one is a sign that someone over there is doing something right. Except for the ad with the surfer dude wearing a ‘No Friends’ shirt. ‘Hey, come to HPU! No friends!’ That’s just dumb. –R.C.

Best place to learn how to cook Burmese food: Kaimuki and Kaiser Community School for Adults
Want to learn how to quilt, speak ‘olelo Hawai’i, fish, fix your car or make Burmese noodles? The city’s adult education program offers evening and night courses to meet any interest. And we mean any.

Worried about the future? Try ‘Retirement, Before/After’ for $8. How to invent something, how to travel through Europe, Chinese astrology, photography, karaoke, FabergÈ egg decorationÖit’s a variety bordering on the ridiculous. We’re looking at the list of classes and wondering what kind of sign up they’re getting for ‘Discover your greatness.’ But hey–it’s cheap, and we can vouch for the Burmese cooking part. –R.C.

Freakiest UH elevator: Physical Science Building
A trip up this antique elevator–installed in 1969–is not a ride, it’s an experience. ‘I got stuck in there three times,’ says Cherie Kakinami, of the UH Math Department.

If the archaic buttons and loud reverberations don’t jog your confidence, the bouncing stops are a nice reminder that this vintage ‘vator is every bit as old and freaky as it appears. ‘It stops at random times, you don’t ever know where you are,’ Kakinami says.

A step into the lift is like stepping into a sauna, you can break a sweat just by riding to the top of the four-floor building. ‘My boss will not ever go in there,’ reveals Kakinami. One ascent in this elevator will leave you seriously considering taking the stairs.–J.K.

Best private-school signs that Hawai’i is becoming a red state: Mid-Pacific Institute’s voluntary drug testing and Punahou School’s dress code
Voluntary or not, Mid-Pac’s move toward drug testing isn’t how we NORML-y do things here. This is a place where we’ve let kids be kids, where, for example, generations of female students have shown off their sartorial and corporeal assets at Punahou. Perhaps the dress code levels the playing field, and male instructors are now protected from beckoning bellybuttons, but the move seems a 19th-century missionary position.–L.G.

Best sign our priorities are still screwed up: Readers pick the football coach as best wealthy UH employee
What does June Jones have to do with education? All we’ve learned from him is that constant brawling, ugly behavior and even the occasional felony are okay, as long as you’re playing good football. Come on, readers. Pick a winner next year.–R.C.

Consumer Reports

READER’S PICKS

Best home design shop: Home Depot
Runners up: Pier 1, Inspiration

Best place to find a pairof Diesel jeans for $5: Swap meet/flea market
Runners up: Savers, Ross
You said it: ‘I’m a guyÖ’

Best place to get your car tuned: Jiffy Lube
Runners up: Midas; City Automotive, Kahala Shell (tie)
Non-national chain mentions: Manoa Chevron, Kyle’s Service

Best magazine selection: Borders
Runners up: Barnes and Noble, Tower Records
The poll-challenged listed their favorite magazines, such as Honolulu, People and The Economist (!)

Best car insurance deals: Geico
Runners up: AIG, Allstate
You said it: ‘Mopeds–no insurance.’

Best place to buy glasses: Costco
Runners up: Lens Crafters, Sears

Best surf shop: T&C
Runners up: Local Motion, HIC
You said it: ‘Hale Nalu on da’ Wes’ Syde!! Boy!’

Best health food store: Down to Earth
Runners up: Umeke, Kokua Market Natural Foods
You said it: ‘My yard.’

Best supermarket chain: Safeway
Runners up: Times, Foodland

Best place to learn how to kick ass: Kalakaua Gym
Runners up: OCCC, Jeremy Henkel’s Taekwondo class at the Moilili Community Center
You said it: ‘Honolulu Weekly editor’s office.’

EDITOR’S PICKS

Best place to do away with bad hair days: Asian Hair Design
Vietnam-born Chinese stylist Amy Luong has a natural talent for doing great things for people who insist they can’t do anything with their hair. Seven months ago, the longtime Honolulu resident and McKinley grad opened her own salon in the Chinatown Mall (1013 Maunakea St, between Hotel and King Sts, 384-8420). Her personal touch makes her spotless salon cozy, from the jar of mints wrapped in iridescent papers to the jasmine tea she offers as you wait for your highlights to set. She applies the same careful attention to detail as she runs her scissors through your hair.

Haircuts are $12 for women, $11 for men, and $8 for children. Color starts at $30, perms at $35, and highlights at $40. For an extra bonus, treat yourself to a manicure ($12) or pedicure ($19), or heck, why not all ten fingers and toes ($27). The price is certainly right, but the best part is the result: You’ll smile when you look in the mirror.–Catharine Lo

Best reason to have medical insurance: The Verizon phone book
The convenience of white and yellow pages under one cover notwithstanding, using the cumbersome book is as easy as hauling the dead weight of your sleeping 10-year-old out of the backseat while fiddling for your house keys with your arm in a sling.–Becky Maltby

Best place to get spare parts: Junk yards
Missing a windshield? Go to a junkyard (they’re listed in the yellow pages under Automobile Wrecking and Salvage) and brave the muck until you find an older version of your ride. Tell the guys what you want and they’ll salvage it and send you on your way. Caveat: These are dirty places, with mostly dirty men. If you don’t want to rake through the crap, some junkyards–like Auto Recycling on Sand Island–have the merchandise on computer databases. They’ll punch in your part and tell you if they have it before you hit the heap. It’ll cost you, but it’s still cheaper than Checkers. Note: No shoes, no digging allowed. –K.H.

Best place to replace your burned rubber: Sears Autocenter, Ala Moana
The prices on tires are competitive at Sears, but that’s not the reason we keep going back. It’s not even the quick turnaround times. Sears Autocenter at Ala Moana is home to some of the best customer-service folks you’ll ever find in the business. When you’ve gotten the runaround a few times, you appreciate the Sears staffers, who know what they’re doing, explain the options and deliver good work. –R.C.

Best way to drop less than $2 at Neiman Marcus: Truffles
Those immune to the charms of a pristine, over-chilled store offering merchandise you don’t need and can’t afford will say the best way to spend under $2 at Neiman Marcus is to not step through its sparkling glass doors. But where’s the fun in that? With its suspiciously flattering mirrors and surprisingly unsnooty staff, Ala Moana’s priciest department store is the place to smear on $100 moisturizer and try on clothes you don’t intend to buy. Legitimize your visit with a stop at the third-floor chocolate counter where for $1.50 you can buy a Neuhaus Fabiola truffle–vanilla buttercream encased in milk chocolate. It’s the confectionary equivalent of a cashmere sweater. Take it away in a pink-handled shopping bag or, if you’re the type who wears new shoes out of the store, indulge on the spot. Just don’t leave any incriminating smudges on the white Armani jacket you finger longingly on your way out. –Katie French

Best locally brewed beer: Kona Brewing’s Lilikoi Wheat Ale, no, the Blacksand Porter
Kawehi: Purists–and manly men who drink their coffee black and their beer bitter (see below)–would say it’s a bastardiaztion of the real thing, but the smooth, cloudy, brew with just the right touch of passion fruit is perfect. Even for guys.
Ragnar: Granted, the name needs work. No like drink sand. But if ‘hef’ makes you think of cows, this rich and smooth Porter is close to perfect. Coffee and chocolate and without a bite…if they’d just stop running out of the stuff, we’d be there every night.

Best whole-foods store for Earthlings: Kokua Market Natural Foods Co-Op
Some natural-foods stores are creepy. In the same way that ordering a burger is nicer if the cook doesn’t look like he’s down to his last artery, seitan patties taste better when they’re not brought to you by nervous-looking aliens from the Planet Never-Frown. If this is of concern to you, check out Kokua Market (2643 S King St, 941-1922) where the foods are good and the people are nice but not, like, weird-nice. If you know what we mean. –R.C.

Entertainment

READER’S PICKS

Best comedian: Frank DeLima
Runners up: Augie Tulba, Paul Ogata

Best live music venue: Kapono’s
Runners up: Chai’s Bistro, Waikiki Shell
You said it: ‘Outside Waikiki Shell, with my beer and my cigar! Free!!’ ‘Follow Makana around.’

Best local rock band: Tiny Believers
Runners up: Kapena, Missing Dave
Best local jazz combo: Honolulu Jazz Quartet
Runners up: New Jass Quartet, Noel Okimoto & Friends

Best free Waikiki Entertainment: Sunset on the Beach
Runner’s up: Tourist watching, Brunch on the Beach (Um, last we checked you had to pay for the food.)
Note to those who voted for ‘Hula Show’: It was cancelled in 2002.

EDITOR’S PICKS

Best free Waikiki entertainment: George Kuo, Martin Pahinui and Aaron Mahi at the Waikiki Beach Marriott Resort and Spa’s Moana Terrace
Every Sunday night, three Hawaiian music legends quietly perch on their chairs and deliver one of the best shows on the island–free or not. Kama’aina may be stupefied at finding themselves soaking renditions of ‘Pua Lililehua’ and ‘Hi’ilawe’ by these masters for no cover charge. (The Marriott gets kudos for hosting Auntie Genoa on Thursdays too.) Kuo’s lilting, masterful slack-key stylings; Mahi, sitting meditatively as a Buddha, anchoring the songs with his bass and Pahinui’s throaty vocals channeling his famous father, Gabby, are a weekly chicken-skin treatment. Oblivious hotel guests take a last swim in the adjacent pool and yak over cocktails, while other local luminaries sit rapt as their pals strum through the Great Hawaiian Songbook. And, yes, that is Eddie Kamae joining in for a couple of tunes. –L.G.

Best comedy torch bearer: Andy Bumatai
The boy from Wai’anae has been making Hawai’i–and the mainland–laugh since 1979, when he won the first ever Na Hoku Hanohano award for most promising artist. These days, the local comedy scene is heating up again, and it’s partly due to the now elder (but youthful) statesman of funny. Bumatai has been organizing open-mic nights and teaching comedy classes (one is now in session at Brew Moon), and the seeds he plants are bearing fruit. Most of the weekly comedy shows in town are run by young talent who have worked with Bumatai–Augie Tulba, Gerard Elmore.

‘My business friends say, ‘What are you doing? You’re creating competition for yourself.’ I look at it as the more fertile the comedy ground, the better it is for everybody.’

Bumatai likens open-mic nights to car crashes. ‘They have a strange appeal,’ he laughs. ‘As odd as it may sound, comics need a place to be bad, ’cause you can’t jam in a room with guitarists to ‘practice your craft.’ It has to be in front of an audience. And [audiences] are enamored by these people who will get up there and…die, basically.’ Two weeks ago Bumatai was at Brew Moon’s Lanai and Augie show, which is followed by an open-mic session. ‘Augie turned to me and smiled,’ says Bumatai. ‘The guy [on stage] was doing something I had told Augie to stop doing when he was starting out. I went, ‘There you go babe. Now you’re giving him a shot.’ Without these gardens of comedy talent where do new guys come from?’–L.G.

Public Eye

READER’S PICKS

Best new career for Aaron Mahi: Honolulu Symphony conductor
Runners up: music program director for public schools, his old one

Best Barraquio: Angela
Runners up: Their mom, Bernadette
You said it: ‘Cindy Paliracio’

Best journalist turned politican: Barbara Marshall
Runners up: Glenn Wakai, Nestor Garcia

Best local hero: Local guys fighting in Iraq
Runners up: Michelle Wie, Nainoa Thompson
You said it: ‘That girl with one arm–Bethany?’
Proof they don’t make ‘em like they used to: Votes were cast for Duke Kahanamoku, Patsy Mink and Eddie Aikau

Most likely to succeed: Jim Delano with FlyHawaii or Timothy Dick and his Hawaii Superferry: Timothy Dick
You said it: ‘Dick’s Super Fly’

EDITOR’S PICKS

Best island mover: Jack Law
Ordinarily, the closing of a major Waikiki nightclub means goodbye forever: the Maze, Masquerade, the Point After, Bobby McGee’sÖ

But with the recent announcement of the Wave Waikiki’s closure, one suspects that it doesn’t mean a final farewell. Owner Jack Law is Waikiki’s most experienced food-and-beverage establishment mover. When he lost the landmark location for Hula’s on K¸hiˆ Avenue, he simply moved the bar to the opposite end of Waikiki to a beach-view location across from the Honolulu Zoo. With this optimistic and ambitious sense of entrepreneurship, one has faith that a similar relocation can be done for the Wave.

Law says he’s willing to reopen ‘if the right space and rent is found.’ As far as the location: ‘I’m open to suggestions.’

Perhaps what will be missed the most after the imminent closure is the loss of a quarter-century-old, surefire post-2am option for fun.

‘Every night I am there,’ says Law. ‘And this ain’t hype. There is a good crowd and I see all types of people mingling and sincerely having a good time. It truly brought the aloha spirit in to the nightclub. Where else could you find Marines, locals, bikers, gays, trannies and whatever, getting along in one small room and really enjoying each other? Very few fights.’ And that’s really the most one can ask out of a night, a club or both.–Ryan Senaga

Best alien: Jason Momoa
Although he shared screen time with the immortal Hasselhoff on Baywatch Hawaii, local-born, Iowa-raised Jason Momoa didn’t start generating serious nationwide prime-time buzz until he began playing bartender Frankie Seau on the ill-fated FOX soap North Shore. Playing the role with charisma and some serious dreadlocks, Momoa turned into the show’s only breakout star.

But with his exotic (to mainlanders) looks, there was something not quite of this Earth about him; as if he were the captain of the football team and prom-king for the Predator monster’s high school. Once he was cast as an alien on the Sci-Fi channel spin-off show Stargate: Atlantis, though, everything seems to have fallen into place and suddenly makes sense.

According to the Sci-Fi website, Momoa plays Ronan Dex, ‘A human native to the Pegasus Galaxy who fought the Wraith in defense of his planetÖwas captured, tortured and then released to become a ‘runner,’ the target of a Wraith hunting ritual. He has evaded capture for seven years.’ We’re not even going to pretend we understand what’s going on there. Regardless, any local boy who can evade Development Hell and land an off-island gig on a major cult program is doing pretty a-okay–with or without the Dreads. (Is it just us or is that word beginning to look like an alien species?)–R.S.

Best new sexual identity: Kealohasexual
During her blistering GirlFest performance at Anna Bannana’s last year, New York-based poet extraordinaire Alix Olson dreamily recounted going surfing with First Thursdays organizer and slam poet promoter Kealoha. They must have had a good time. Olson is out and proud, but she swears she became a ‘Kealohasexual’ out there on the waves. Olson defined the term as being in love with Kealoha, and that the world would be a better place if we could all just find a little ‘Kealohasexual’ feeling in us. It’s not like Kealoha needs any more attention, but all of us needed to move beyond metrosexualism.–Sebastian Blanco

Nightlife

READER’S PICKS

Best weekly party: Skyline at the Hanohano Room and The Compound at Indigo (tie)
Runner up: Lucky Tiger at thirtyninehotel

Best beer selection:
Winner: Ryan’s
Runners up: Gordon Biersch, Sam Choy’s Breakfast, Lunch, Crab

Best wine by the glass:
Winner: Formaggio
Runners up: Vino, Roy’s

Best new nightspot: thirtyninehotel
Runner’s up: Zen, Longhi’s

EDITOR’S PICKS

Best third-shift bar: Smith’s Union Bar
Honolulu shuts down way too early. But at dark, dusty Smith’s Union Bar on Hotel Street, the boozing continues until 6am. It’s the oldest bar in town and it looks it–but everything’s beautiful through the bottom of a shot glass, right? And, yes, go there often enough and everyone knows your name. Ryan’s isn’t a bar. Smith’s is a bar.–K.H.

Best place to feel like Cole Porter: Lewers Lounge.
A recent makeover has left the Halekulani’s bar looking like a cross between a rummy men’s club and the Bishop Museum–all dark wood and quasi kahilis. Add mixology star and Halekulani beverage arts consultant Dale DeGroff’s classic and contemporary cocktails (try the lemony Bees Knees), a smoked salmon platter and the lounge lyricism of Timothy Kallen at the piano, and you can just imagine the man who penned ‘I Get a Kick Out of You,’ elegant in a smoking jacket, settling back on one of the velvety banquettes. –L.G.

Cultchah

READER’S PICKS

Best local artist: Photographer Linda Ching
Runners up: Pegge Hopper, Russell Lowrey

Best public art: ‘Sky Gate’ by Isamu Noguchi
Runners up: Wyland, the geckos

Best theater production: Miss Saigon, Army Community Theater
Runners up: B52 Cockaroach, Kennedy Theatre,
Aloha Las Vegas, Kumu Kahua

Best museum show: Yoshitomo Nara, the Contemporary Museum
Runners up: Neo Rauch, Academy of Arts; Hawai’i State Art Museum

Best ethnic festival: Okinawan Festival
Runners up: Greek Festival, Filipino Festival

EDITOR’S PICKS

Best reason that it’s good the Po’okela Awards took a break this year: Stars’ Night Out at the Ko’olau Ballroom
Or, in other words, July 25 saw the same flashy thespian-types at same scenic venue, same schmoozing cliques and awesome bartender BobÖbut no emotional acceptance speeches, no headache-inducing screams from winning theater groups and plenty of dancing to the music of Kit Samson’s Sound Advice. And the big announcement? The Pokies will return next year with new adjudicators, new rules and no nominees–just awards for ‘excellence.’ Actually awards were presented: Each theater handed out its excellence in service (volunteer of the year) award for the 2004-2005 season. And the big ‘winner’ of the night was retired UH theater professor Roger Long, who received the lifetime achievement Pierre Bowman Award for his varied and lengthy career spanning both Eastern and Western theater. Said Long: ‘We are here tonight to celebrate not really what we accomplish but what we are capable of accomplishing.’–B.M.

Best theater skills by a TV journalist: Keoki Kerr
How many towns could even have this category? We love Keoki Kerr’s knack for digging up the dirt on news hogs like ousted UH president Evan Dobelle and the Honolulu Liquor Commission for KITV. But the guy’s got incredible stage presence as well–sorry Tina Shelton and Jodi Leong.

A Hawaii Opera Theatre veteran and church soloist, Kerr’s dramatic flair has had his audience members at Army Community Theatre reaching for their hankies–as John in last season’s Miss Saigon and as Lt. Cable in South Pacific five years ago. Next year, the investigative reporter will wield a bat and glove as Shoeless Joe from Hannibal, Mo, in ACT’s planned production of Damn Yankees.

‘Theater offers me a chance to escape the real world of news,’ says Kerr. ‘And hey, it’s a great way to meet new sources who’ll tip me off to future news stories!’–B.M.

Best place to record and rehearse on the cheap: Vibe Asylum
Top-quality gear, state-of-the-art recording technology, air conditioning and a vending machine make Vibe Asylum (816 Queen Street, 593-1007) a no-brainer for any band wanting to record a debut album, do a demo or hash out arrangements for the next gig. Devoid of the dirtbag vibes typical of most studios, the Asylum takes its business and clientele seriously. And there’s even a smoking lounge for all you lead guitarists.–Jamie Winpenny

Best public sculpture: Isamu Noguchi’s ‘Sky Gate’
Honolulu is home to a lot of godawful sculpture–badly rendered royalty, ‘pedestrians’ and levitating sea turtles. But voters know that one makes up for all the rest–Isamu Noguchi’s ‘Sky Gate,’ on the Honolulu Hale grounds. Completed in 1977, the 24-foot-tall tubular steel tripod of a sculpture, painted matte black, is a portal to the universe.

On a clear night, lie on the concrete platform under ‘Sky Gate’ and look up. Noguchi created a frame for our viewing pleasure. As the earth rotates, so does your own private Milky Way. If aliens were ever going to beam you up, this is their inviting door of perception.–L.G.

Best art thieves: The guys who stole the Herb Kane mural
‘This is a tough one,’ says Sgt. Rollin Rabara of the Ka’u Police Station about the theft of the Herb Kane mural from Punalu’u’s abandoned Sea Mountain Golf Resort. Okay, this is a Big Island case, but it’s so damn intriguing.

It’s been four weeks since the stealth stealers made off with the artwork and the police have had no breaks or leads.

‘It definitely would be something you’d pull off in the evening hours,’ says Rabara, noting that only one residence is within eyeshot of the scene of the crime. ‘The equipment they used must have been muffled. It took some pretty calculated work. We’re talking about cutting into an entire wall and making sure you keep the mural intact at the same time.’ It was very meticulous according to the original officer investigating the case, who retired at the end of July.

But could they make off with the Jean Charlot doors from Punahou’s Thurston Chapel? –L.G.

Outdoors

EDITOR’S PICKS

No one likes to divulge their favorite surf spot, hike or dive–it’s getting too crowded to be generous with information like that. Every year we get answers like ‘I’m not telling’ or ‘Are you kidding?’ So this year we left the Outdoors category off the ballot and made our own picks.

Best place to say ‘that next step is a doozy’: Mt. Olomana
The peak overlooking Kailua is not an easy stroll–beginning in flat forest, the trail moves into tricky inclined scrambles and peaks, literally, with a sheer rock climb. The six-mile roundtrip is a challenge for experienced and moderate hikers.

At 1,643 feet, the summit’s breathtaking view stretches from Makapu’u Point to Mokoli’i Island and back around into Maunawili Valley. You start with a half-hour walk along the road into the private Luana Hills Country Club. The guards in the shack will talk to you but they don’t make a fuss about hikers. The trail begins at a sign on the side of the road, and about five minutes in is an abandoned pipe-filled house that sparks images of The Blair Witch Project but has always proven harmless, even when tagged with red spray paint. The path follows the ridge along the mountain to a patch of wind-whipped ironwood trees. From there the hike grows steeper but there are always visible foot and handholds along the way and a knotted rope at the rock wall. There may even be a goat stretching upside-down to the ground somewhere off the side of the mountain. It’s a quick jaunt from the first peak to the lower (and less spectacular) second one. The third peak, a razor sharpened by millennia of wind and erosion, is for experts only. The descent from the second peak requires the use of two ropes, and the path is narrow with unsteady dirty and sheer falloffs on both sides. The walk back from the first peak moves quickly, depending on how much risk you’re willing to take. The combination of fatigue and wind along the ridge is amazing yet, even when moving slowly with frequent breaks, the trip can be done in less than four hours. –Jess Kroll

The best in-town swim: Hilton Channel
I am happy to share this spot because I frequently tell friends, relatives and strangers in elevators of its wonders and few folks actually follow my advice and go for a swim, which keeps this waterway from getting too crowded.

The best way to access Hilton Channel is to park at the Ala Wai Yacht Harbor, while it’s still free, and walk down the beach until you are in front of the Hilton Rainbow. Facing the ocean you’ll see the red and green markers of a channel. Line yourself up with the green markers, but stay outside of the channel–it’s a navigable waterway used by shuttle boats. As a swimmer you do not have the right of way and could end up very dead if you try to play chicken with a boat, which of course makes swimming there an oh-so-chic extreme sport.

The distance from the beach to the outer marker and back is half a mile (I doubled checked the distance on a nautical chart with a pair of dividers, so the distance is real, not urban legend). Don’t be put off by the water’s edge murk littered with sunburned tourists–once you get past the small reef the water clears up and you will find yourself in about 15 feet of clear sandy-bottomed ocean.

In addition to the reef fish and turtles, eagle rays can be spotted. The measured distance and relatively calm water make the Hilton Channel a great serious workout swim yet it’s scenic enough for a leisurely stress-reducing, fish-gazing foray without having to drive out of town.–Mimi Bornhorst

Best skate park: Keolu skate park
I like the Keolu skate park (on Keolu Street, mauka of Keolu Elementary School) in Kailua the best, but I designed it, so I’m biased.

The most popular park is A’ala, but it’s small. The best skate parks have a lot of space and aren’t cramped. But that’s just my opinion, and my opinion isn’t always well regarded.–Chuck Mitsui

Best place to make birdie then grind: Olomana Golf Links
At the foot of Mt. Olomana, this course is the best public links on O’ahu, with its broad fairways and soft greens (plus it’s where Michelle Wie got her start as a 6-year-old with director of instruction Casey Nakama). But a swinger’s got to eat and whether you seek coffee and toast before teeing off, or like to pack in the p¸p¸ at the 19th hole, Olomana Golf Links clubhouse is the place to be. The epitome of a classic Hawaiian-style restaurant, the open-air clubhouse has koa and mahogany furnishings and breakfasts of fried rice and banana pancakes and post-game bites like breaded fried shrimp, fried saimin and chop steak. If you suspect the food tastes good only to hungry golfers, keep this in mind: Locals who don’t know their five iron from a tire iron come to eat. –J.Keohokalole