Honolulu Weekly

Readers’ picks

Best neighborhood for cheap rent

Tie: Kalihi, Makiki

Like cats and dogs, sardines and peanut butter and the Hawai’i state Legislature and ethics reform, cheap rent and O’ahu are two things that simply don’t go together. You’re more apt to see Mike Gabbard doing body shots with the bare-chested waitstaff at Hula’s. But, hey, there are some good deals out there if you can find them. Your suggestions for cheap rent on O’ahu: Kalihi and Makiki.

Best reason for a local to Waikiki-

Sunset on the Beach

The newly reimagined Waikiki Beachwalk was unveiled earlier this year with much fanfare. And truth be told, despite the tourist trap that it is, the renovated stretch of roadside shops looks rather swell. But chances are you haven’t taken a look at it. In fact, there’s a good chance that you haven’t stepped foot in Waikiki since, well, you were knee-level with your pops. Of course, that doesn’t go for all of our readers, just the ones that dismiss the vital role the maligned tourist ghetto plays in our state economy. For those that venture into Waikiki, the family-oriented, free-movie Sunset on the Beach is the primary reason. You can’t beat the price, and the selections aren’t bad, from Hollywood hits like Happy Feet to the star-studded season premiere of Lost.

Best street parking downtown

Nu’uanu and Bishop Streets

Let’s say you have to head downtown for a lunch meeting. Where’s the best place to park? We’ll, if you ask us it might be worth your while to park in one of the Chinatown parking garages, but if that’s too long of a walk for you and you want to park on the street, then you might try your luck on Nu’uanu and Bishop Streets. If you’re lucky that is. On the weekends and at night, expect to find a spot with much more ease.

Best public statue

King Kamehameha

Like this one was ever really in doubt. Seriously, no other statue in town can compare to the grandeur of this statue of Hawai’i’s greatest king. And while the Duke statue is larger than life and the Queen Lili’uokalani statue has more of an emotional resonance, no one beats the king. We dare Ken Conklin, H. William Burgess and all the other sovereignty haters to take on the King Kam statue in a staring contest. They will only walk away in defeat suffering from an unbearable migraine.

Best street festival

St. Patrick’s Day

Really, out of all of the public festivals held every year, the St. Patrick’s Day festival located on Nu’uanu Street in between Murphy’s Bar and Grill and O’Toole’s Irish Pub was Honolulu Weekly readers’ pick for best street festival. We could ask why, but we know the answer–beer. Nuff said.

Editors’ picks

The ugliest city-funded work of public art

The above ground sewer line along the Ala Wai Canal

For those of you that thought that big black three-legged spider thing on the Frank Fasi Civic Center grounds was ugly, now there’s another example of city-funded art that’s sure to make you shiver. Behold the temporary sewer line that runs along the Ala Wai Canal. While this little sculpture is sure to be seen by many a tourist visiting Waikiki, don’t expect it to pop up on any postcards anytime soon.

Most unwelcome architectural trend

Storage facilities

If Frank Lloyd Wright was alive today and someone bought him an all-expenses paid trip to O’ahu, well, he might return home a very sad man, especially after he gazed on the soulless strip malls that dominate the second city, Kapolei, and now the high-rise, maximum-security prison-looking storage facilities that have taken over town. While there’s nothing that we can do about the ones that are here now, why can’t somebody down there at Honolulu Hale write an ordinance that will keep these beasts from further leaving their mark on the landscape?

The absolute worst spot in town to target jaywalkers

The intersection of Fort Street Mall and Hotel Street.

Why? Fort Street is a frickin’ pedestrian mall, and Hotel Street is closed to all traffic except for city buses and police cars. Most times you could walk blindfolded with your iPod turned to 11 and not worry about getting run over. Our sympathies to the HPD who are forced to stand around and ticket jaywalkers at this nearly traffic-free intersection.

Worst road to nowhere

Round Top Drive

Once in a while, everybody runs into a dead-end. It happens to the best of us. But on one of the island’s most scenic drives? Look, we understand that the road suffered some serious damage following last year’s 42 days and 42 nights of flooding, but that was, and we can’t believe we have to say this again, last year. Come on. A year-plus is plenty of time to fix a two-lane stretch of blacktop. We blame Jeremy Harris. Why? We’re not exactly sure, but it’s kind of become habit to blame the former mayor for all of our infrastructure and roadway woes, so why not? Jeremy, you suck.

Best roadside attraction

Feral chickens

Some cities have billboards. We have wild chickens. Who thinks we got the better deal? Hands anyone?

Best case of I-told-you-so involving the ownership status of a local television station

The selling of KHON

When Emmis Communications sold KHON to Montecito Broadcast Group last year, we had the sneakiest suspicion that Joe Moore’s new bosses didn’t plan to own the television station for long. Maybe it was Montecito’s decision to lay off some 30-odd employees. Maybe it was the decision to put production duties in the hands of a bunch of machines. Maybe it was because they allowed the previously mentioned Mr. Moore to parade around the workplace in assless chaps while singing odes to his pompadour. (OK, that last bit there never happened. To the best of our knowledge Joe Moore has only worn chaps on stage and has never composed ditties to his mountain of unmovable hair.) Montecito’s actions bore all the signs of a company that was only interested in flipping the station for a hefty profit. That said, it didn’t come as a shock to us when Montecito sold KHON after owning the station for a little less than a year. Best of luck to the new owners, and here’s hoping this year is an easier one for the station’s staff, although we enjoyed the clips of Moore losing his cool on the Internet. They almost beat the showdown between Howard Dashevsky and Triumph the Insult Comic Dog.

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