Honolulu Weekly

It’s musical chairs for dating. Like the game, players sit when the music stops, and begin circling again when the music begins.

But in speed dating, everyone gets a chair, and no one is left out.

They’re tired of the unending search for their Prince Charming in a crowded room full of professionals grinding to the beats of BeyoncÈ or Outkast at that week’s ‘it’ lounge. They’re tired of approaching the apple of their eye in a club just to have her roll her eyes, mumbling something about washing her hair. They’re tired of yelling over the pounding house music, the room too dark to tell if their conversation partner is a Richard Simmons look alike. When people have thrown in the towel with conventional dating, some turn to speed dating. The program started in Honolulu three years ago. Steven Chang took over the scene in January

The events are held about once per month at various venues. April’s event was held at E&O Trading Company at the Ward Centre. The patio adjacent to the restaurant is morphed into a private party, with tables for two scattered about. The age group for the events is 38-52 years old–college kids have their clubs, these people, well, they need something lessÖtiring. Less bump-and-grind and more long-and-lasting.

Meet the players

John*, a self-proclaimed eccentric, lounges in a chair, dressed in black, sipping on a glass of red wine. This being his fifth time speed dating, he admits that the process is far from the movies.

‘These are real everyday people, not movie stars, not dream dates–everyday people,’ John says.

As he waits for the second session to begin, John says that he started speed dating after a divorce. He was once a business owner in San Francisco, but has retired to Hawai’i. His Rolex flashes as he explains that speed dating is a way to force people to meet him.

The daters slowly trickle in. They seem to be from all walks of life. Men in suits to women with flowing hair and bodies wrapped in aloha print dresses. As they enter they are handed a clipboard that lists the first names of the daters of the opposite sex. During the night, they will take notes on their partners, and can mark a ‘yes’ for anyone they would like to see again. They are assigned a table for their first match, and then the games begin.

The couples chat for six minutes. There is a consistent buzz of conversation throughout the room, filled with both a sense of anxiety and excitement. Some daters use grand hand gestures. Others laugh a little too often at jokes that are a littleÖnot funny. The subject matter is relatively superficial: What do you do? Why are you here?

With only six minutes to form an opinion, the old expression ‘don’t judge a book by its cover’ is traded for more current logic: Don’t like the look of things? Move on.

Chris* sits awkwardly but makes good eye contact. He says most daters know early on if they want to continue getting to know their partner. ‘You can probably tell in the first couple minutes if maybe it’s just friends and nothing more.’

Sara*, a tall woman with a contagious laugh, found someone who told her to her face that he wasn’t interested. ‘In the first couple minutes he said ‘You’re too tall, I’d never go out with you.”

At the end of six minutes, the coordinators ring a bell, and the men rotate to the next table while the women stay seated. Sometimes, the couples try to keep the conversation going after the bell has tolled, but Chang pushes the daters on to keep the cycle moving.

You win some

Convenience is the method’s strongest selling point. It only takes two hours to meet at least 10 potential partners. If you don’t like your partner, you are guaranteed that six minutes is the longest time you will be spending with them–more than the kids can say about a club.

‘I think all the people who come here are looking for a connection, whether that’s for friends or something more serious,’ Chris says. ‘Because otherwise they probably wouldn’t be here.’

John likes that speed dating saves him from face-to-face rejection.

‘Because in casual meeting–in a club or wherever–when you talk to a woman, the first thing she does is cover her breasts, and then says, ‘Get away from me.”

You lose some

Tonight, the group is mostly Caucasian. That’s typical, says Chang, adding that so far, the demand for speed dating is not high enough to warrant more frequent events.

The lack of participation creates the biggest problem with the program: the inability to specialize the sessions. Because age is the only qualifier, many of the daters feel they are unable to find someone with enough in common with them. As Sara waits for the intermission to end, she admits her disappointment in the group’s make up.

‘The quality of the people is, I guess, mediocre because there is no qualifier,’ she says. ‘You have everything from unemployed students to men wearing Rolexes that have owned their own company.’

Some think six minutes is not enough time to finish a good conversation. But if a dater finds his partner uninteresting, six minutes can feel like forever.

During the intermission, the daters wander around, some head to the bar to buy another drink. With full glasses, they’re ready to go again.

‘Kind of like a crapshoot’

Several of the daters are repeat offenders. Chang does not have any information on the actual success of the program, because there is no follow up, but if a dater returns, he knows how it went.

‘If I see them again, then it has been unsuccessful,’ says Chang.

Statistically, Chang says, most people find two people interesting. It is then up to them to make something more of it.

At the end of the night, the daters take their notes home and enter the yes names into the program website. Those people are then contacted, and from there, the daters are on their own to set up a future date.

The previous session, Chris did not meet anyone he was interested in seeing again. Tonight, as he heads toward his 10th table, he has yet to meet anyone he will mark as a ‘yes.’

‘It’s kind of like a crapshoot because there’s no guarantee that there’s going to be somebody that you’re interested in,’ says Chang’s assistant, Adrienne. ‘You don’t know what kind of people you are going to meet.’

Some of the daters were pessimistic about the results. Sara says she would probably not do it again. But at least two of the daters know of someone who married someone they met while speed dating. A glimmer of hope? They’ll check back next month.

*The daters’ names have been changed at their request.

The next event is scheduled for June 20 at E&O Trading Company, visit [www.cupid.com] for more information.