Kathy Griffin / Hide your Bristols, comedian Kathy Griffin’s coming and no celebrity encounter is left on the mainland. The Weekly had a hard-hitting conversation with the comedian about her tabloid-style humor–and went on some pop-culture tangents along the way.
Is this really Kathy? Or is this drunk Maggie pretending to be Kathy?
Wanna hear something funny? My mom is here. She’s in the background and she’ll use this to acknowledge I’m doing interviews. You’ll actually hear Maggie in the background. Hold on, let me put the phone up. [Silence] Hear her?
She’s…tippin’ it a little bit.
We’ve all got tiger’s blood apparently. Charlie’s made it really trendy and I’m going to get a transfusion.
That or we can all just OD on “Friday.”
OD on what?
Rebecca Black? The bad pop song that has 33,645,890 views on YouTube? I mean, I don’t know. I’m not counting.
Oh, yes, I know it. No, over here, it’s all Judge Judy all the time.
I’m just glad it’s really you. After the whole Chris Brown thing, I don’t want any surprises.
Well, after this interview I certainly will throw something through a window, rage through the office and run down the street.
You’ve been tied to some…interesting men. Would you date Chris Brown? Or is beating up people a deal breaker?
Yeah, dating Chris Brown is not on the table. Domestic violence is a dealbreaker. I know I’m going out on a limb, but no, I would not date him. I would probably not even look at him, I would just–well, that’s not true. As a comedian, from a distance, I would love to watch his behavior like all the celebrities because they’re going to do something crazy. And there are windows to be broken.
It’s funny people call your comedy mean when you’re not the one breaking windows.
[Laughs] That’s right! If you’re going to accuse a comedian of being a bully, you got to accuse the entire cast of SNL, all the late night show hosts, they’re all comedians. Comedians, we have to do our job. You know? What can I tell you? Sometimes the truth hurts.
You’re finger is always on the pulse. To see if I’m on the same page, let’s say our favorite shows on TV right now on three.
One, two, three… Celebrity Apprentice.
What’d you say?
[Laughs] Well, if we’re going to play a game where we both talk simultaneously you just might not understand me?
You’re right. That was stupid.
[Laughs] Mine was My Strange Addiction.
Well, we can find common ground in American Idol.
Absolutely, of course. Although, I openly miss my Paula… I’d vote for her for president.
Think Paula would make a better Palin than Julianne Moore?
Of course Julianne Moore is an amazing actress. Then I read Sarah Palin said she’s preparing to “grit her teeth” through her performance. You cannot get a better actress than Julianne Moore, so Sarah Palin better be ready to grind her teeth down to a nub because Julianne Moore is probably going to be great.
On politics, how do you feel about performing in Hawaii–Obama’s alleged state of birth?
[Laughs] I love “alleged” like you’re watching Fox News with Glenn Beck.
Some people really believe this. I mean, Rush Limbaugh had a heart attack the last time he was here.
Rush Limbaugh has a heart attack easily. Like, two a day. I’m just hoping to God the housekeeper is getting him his Oxycontin because he can be calmer after his 60 Oxy a day. I’ve played Hawaii before, I love it, and of course, I rather infamously vacationed there for Christmas with a lady you may have heard of named Cher.
You didn’t see the pictures? Honey, do your research! There are pictures of me and Cher frolicking in the ocean!
I know you hate talking about your two-time Emmy Award-winning My Life on the D-List, but after six successful seasons, you’re ending the series. What are your plans?
I made a deal with Bravo to do four stand-up specials in one year. That’s never been done by any comedian anywhere. One is currently running called Kathy Griffin: 50 and Not Pregnant. The other week I was on a TV show called Glee. After all that, I find it funny you’re asking me if I’m ever going to work again.
Truthfully, it’s because Oprah asked me to ask you.
[Laughs] Are you in Oprah’s kitchen right now?
I wish. But she did BBM me earlier. Kidding. She told me with her telepathy.
[Laughs] How much of Hawaii does Oprah own at this point?
Pretty sure she owns all eight islands and the one forming under the ocean that won’t surface for another 2,000 years.
Exactly. I think it’s fair to say we’re all owned and operated by Oprah.