Episode 2.5
Yoda attempts an imitation of the cat from Shrek 2.
Star Wars: The Clone Wars is a bunch of computer-generated cartoon TV episodes strung together to make a “movie” before the series premieres on the Cartoon Network. Its timeline is that legendary period of war between Attack of the Clones and Revenge of the Sith. To dismiss it as sellout crap is too easy. There are joys to be had. It’s just that there is also a lot to hate.
While it’s no secret that the plot revolves around the Jedi being enlisted to recover Jabba the Hutt’s kidnapped son, what the previews don’t tell you is that the farting, slug-like toddler isn’t the only Hutt relative we meet. Jabba also has an uncle. A big gay uncle. Lisping a Southern mint julep whine with a voice that’s a cross between Truman Capote and Beverly Lesley–Karen’s arch-enemy on Will & Grace–Ziro the Hutt is a hoot. If that wasn’t enough, the giant slug is also decked out with black eye-liner, feathers above his ear, and day-glow body paint. Still, there will undoubtedly be some fanboys throwing a Jar Jar riot.
Defending all things Star Wars post-Return of the Jedi can become a full-time occupation, but credit should be given for the desire to expand the mythology of the Clone Wars. Geeks of a certain generation are finally seeing tales that have only been alluded to, and while the execution is extremely questionable, the idea of Jabba the Hutt having offspring is undeniably intriguing. (The potential curiosity concerning the Hutt intercourse to produce said offspring is debatable.)
One just wishes director Dave Filoni (Avatar: The Last Airbender) fought Lucas’s more questionable choices, which, factoring in Kingdom of the Crystal Skull, are alarmingly out of touch with contemporary pop culture.
Take Anakin’s new Padawan Learner, Ahsoka Tahno. She is voiced by Ashley Eckstein, formerly of That’s So Raven. Her past work experience should clue you into her interpretation of the character: it’s Hannah freaking Montana. Her brand of “spunk” is so middle-school irritating that if she calls Anakin Skywalker “Sky-Guy” one more time, you wish a skinny Jonas Brother would fall out of the sky and impale her with one of his bony legs.
Sadly, it’s not just the dialogue–the entire screenplay seems to have been text-messaged by a 12-year-old. This derails things that are actually Star Wars-exciting, like a vertical attack on a monastery with laser blasting droids and gear-grinding mech-machines climbing. Also enthralling is Keven Kiner’s Middle Eastern-ish, guitar rocking, female chorus-enhanced score that pays tribute to John Williams, but charts its own melancholy Battlestar Galactica-like course.
Finally freed from needing inefficient humans for storytelling, one wishes this animated universe took more chances. Star Wars: The Clone Wars is a product for die-hard Star Wars dorks, but with its glaring flaws and mis-steps, it may be a movie only a geek could love.
