Percy Jackson and the Olympians: The Lightning Thief / The quest for an heir to the Harry Potter franchise continues and amid the corpses of The Golden Compass and The Seeker: The Dark is Rising comes Percy Jackson & the Olympians: The Lightning Thief, based on the young adult series written by Rick Riordan. It’s an unoriginal and rather lame children’s flick with a title that sounds like a Motown group, but shockingly, it’s also an entertaining dummies guide through Greek mythology.

Percy Jackson is a troubled teen-ager with dyslexia and ADHD, but after being attacked by an English teacher that turns out to be a sharp-toothed, winged fury, he learns that his absentee father is actually Poseidon, god of the sea and he’s the product of the occasional Olympian “visit” to Earth. As a demi-god, Percy’s dyslexia is really his ability to visually translate ancient Greek text into perfect English and his attention deficit disorder occurs because his natural battle reflexes are simmering beneath the surface. Here’s hoping the more impressionable young audience members in the theater afflicted with these maladies don’t suddenly sprout illusions of deism.

The reason behind the sudden attacks on Percy from all things hellish is because everyone thinks he stole Zeus’s lightning bolt–the most powerful weapon on heaven and earth. The god of the underworld Hades kidnaps Percy’s mother; she will only be returned if the bolt is handed over. To get her back, the framed Percy embarks on a road-trip quest across the country to find the real lightning thief accompanied by fellow “half-blood” Annabeth–the kick-ass daughter of Athena, and his bodyguard Grover, who happens to be a goat-hoofed satyr.

Yeah it’s all completely ridiculous and bone-headed but unexpectedly, it’s also fun. Director Chris Columbus, apparently under orders to repeat his work on the first two Harry Potter movies, tries to keep the action moving as quickly as possible so that adults won’t notice the abject immaturity. The screen is filled with blood-thirsty minotaurs throwing cows, multi-headed fire breathing hydras, and the flaming, demonic form of Hades flapping his giant black wings like an anime character come to life. Yes, there are stupid moments geared for grade-school noggins like a dance sequence in a Vegas casino or Grover’s trying-to-hard street dialogue, but for each one of these demerits, we get genuine instances of pop-culture wit: a pair of magical shoes with the powers of flight turns out to be winged Chuck Taylors, the reflective surface of an iPod Touch is used to battle the stony-stare of a Gorgon, and the entrance to hell is located in…Hollywood, California.

It’s also got almost as many stars as Valentine’s Day. Lead actor Logan Lerman does a decent job of holding everything together since he’s in practically every scene, Kevin McKidd (Grey’s Anatomy) does his best Daniel Craig impression as Poseidon, the mischievous Steve Coogan (Hamlet 2) rejoices in an opportunity to play the Devil, and Pierce Brosnan manages to keep his dignity even though half of his body is CGI-ed into a horse’s ass– he plays a centaur. Catherine Keener wins the good sport award as Percy’s mother and utters the line “The entrance to Olympus is there!” with a completely straight face; along with Where the Wild Things Are, for some reason, this great actress who excels at bitter, sarcastic humor, is getting stuck with the patient, self-less mother roles. Best of all though, is Uma Thurman as the snake-follicled Medusa. With sunglasses to cover her deadly eyes and cocking her head to maximize the slithering computer coutre on her head, she vamps it up in a campy, hilarious way unseen since her wasted turn as Poison Ivy in the otherwise dreadful Batman & Robin.

The Lightning Thief is adequate enough to hold adults over till Clash of the Titans; it’s always amusing to watch gods bitch at each other. Older kids will absolutely love it– and they might even check out actual stories of Greek mythology in a…gasp…book.

(Note: completists should stay during the end credits for a bonus Uma scene.)

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