My life as a dog
Editor’s note: The Weekly’s calendar editor, Becky Maltby, is the lead in the The Actors’ Group’s production of Sylvia. Becky plays Sylvia the dog. Here, she writes as Sylvia. Like what you read? See the play. And yes, she really is that foul-mouthed.
Hey, hey, hey! I think I like you. You could be reading about Hawaiian music. You could be browsing the movie clock. You could be sniffing out this paper’s brilliant writers, but instead you’re spending your time with me! Me!
My master Greg will tell you I like everybody. It’s true! Except catsÖthe fuckers! But give me a good home and a little attention, some dinner (well, a lot of dinner) and let me sit on the couch from time to time and I’m one happy dog.
I have a minor problem: Kate. She doesn’t like me. She wants to get rid of me. Kate is Greg’s wife and he says she’ll come around but I’m not so sure. She doesn’t let me sit on the couch. I try really hard to do things to make her like me but so far nothing has worked and I sense the time running out. She threatens to send me away!
I want to meet you! I want to sniff your crotch and hear you laugh. Maybe you’ll rub my tummy. We can play with my little red ball! I love you already!
Sylvia, The Actors’ Group at the Yellow Brick Studio, 625 Keawe St., Thu 7/13 through Sun 8/13, Thu-Sat, 7:30pm; Sun, 4pm, 722-6941 (info), 550-TIKS (tickets)
