Moonstruck
Bella to the skeptics: I know he’s a vampire, but he’s, like, really really hot.
Nov
21
Dear Bella,
We totally get why you have a crush on Edward Cullen. There’s his teenage brooding, his perfectly mussed bedhead, the way he skips school whenever he feels like it. He’s got that bad-boy-but-still-a-good-guy thing going for him. Either way, you do know he’s a vampire, right? Like, he desperately wants to attack you and suck all of your blood. I mean, honestly, Bella? Ewww. And it’s not even his fault. He’s been pretty straightforward about this as something that could put a real damper on your blossoming romance.
Plus, it’s been pointed out before, but we feel obligated to mention again that his angsty, bedheaded exterior aside–your boyfriend is 108 years old. That’s like dating someone your great-grandfather’s age. Again: ewww.
So listen: You’re, what, 16 years old? We know it’s hard to believe, but trust us when we tell you that the supply of bed-headed, class-skipping heartthrobs more than surpasses demand once you hit college. And if you go to art school, we bet you could even find one who acts like a vampire without actually being one. For now, couldn’t you just find a troublemaker whose mischief amounts to the likes of Ferris Bueller more than Lestat de Lioncourt?
We know it sounds like something your mom would say, but there are plenty of fish in the sea, and most of those fish aren’t vampires. Just try giving the human guys a chance already. Besides, Harry Potter’s already taken.
Love,
Honolulu Weekly
P.S. The same goes for your werewolf on the backburner.
