The Yard House / I am not a zealous patron of chain restaurants; one of my favorite restaurant slogans comes from a Santa Fe burger joint that boasts ‘one location worldwide.’ But from a food critic’s standpoint, there is one logistical advantage of chain restaurants. Because most menus can be found online, I am saved from taking stealth notes under the table and from balancing tasting with mnemonic tactics to commit the listed dish to memory. So an exploratory trip over to [yardhouse.com] gave me the entire standard menu (not including the regional dishes unique to Hawai’i) plus nutritional analysis, and it was this last bit of unexpected information that shocked me.

It is well known that beer is among the unhealthiest beverages for those watching waistlines, but the food at Yard House seemed exceptionally high in fat and calories (the portions are large, but I’ve seen larger). Even a starter salad with hearts of romaine, fresh strawberries, avocado, oranges, candied walnuts and leeks with a spiced balsamic vinaigrette had 815 calories, 66 grams of fat, and 56 grams of carbs. By my calculations, the four plates (three appetizers and one dessert) I had just shared with a tablemate at lunch contained a combined total of 270 grams of fat (80 of them saturated) and 4,495 calories. Our serving of dessert alone, an ample but not massive serving of delicious macadamia nut cheesecake–of which we ate about 85 percent–contained 1,350 calories; the Food and Drug Administration recommends a diet of 2,000 calories a day.

Further amplifying my shock was a disclaimer stating that ‘dressing and side accompaniment’ in salads and the ’side accompaniment’ of burgers and sandwiches was ‘not included in nutritional analysis.’ So I called the corporate headquarters in California to get clarification for my questions. Did the half-pound BÈarnaise burger with fried onions include the BÈarnaise sauce in the nutritional analysis? I certainly hoped so because it already weighed in with 151 grams of fat. (Here I will disclose that one of my absolute favorite things to find on a plate in front of me is french fries with BÈarnaise sauce.) A spokeswoman for Yard House explained that the ’side accompaniment’ means the fries and the pickle on the plate. Those salad statistics, which made my arteries twinge, actually do include the dressing, even though the website claims they don’t (Yard House is working on correcting the website information). I was given revised numbers for undressed salads and realistically dressed salads. With just a tablespoon of dressing (a more realistic portion), they’re considerably better for you than the numbers would suggest (though not always diet-friendly).

It must be noted that the restaurant is providing nutritional information for the food that it serves to you, not for the portion of that food that you actually consume. We didn’t eat every last edible morsel off our plates, and I doubt most people do. Plus there’s the pupu factor: many dishes would be split amongst a table of friends or family. Moreover, while I am examining Yard House because it was brave enough to give me access to its statistics, it is certainly not an anomaly; a fat-and-calorie cross section of many restaurants would likely yield similar numbers.

Even so, this is a menu where the healthiest items ‘as-is’ (without diner modifications of portion or ingredients) are chilled edamame (300 calories, 9 fat grams), one scoop of ice cream (129 calories, 6 fat grams) and moo shu egg rolls (at a questionable 270 calories and 8 grams of fat) There aren’t any menu items touted as ‘calorie conscious,’ and I wonder whether the restaurant really benefits from its menu choices.

First, I must heartily applaud the Waikiki outpost for including a vast daily selection of fresh Hawaiian fish on its menu, including healthier preparation methods like flame grilling. Secondly, my french fries and I will stand in firm defense of a classic BÈarnaise sauce for dipping, but are all these fatty touches essential? Does a perfectly nice grilled artichoke need to be buried beneath a mound of house fried potato chips (some soggy) and served with garlic aioli? Wouldn’t a simple squeeze of lemon fill in nicely? I enjoyed the lobster, crab and artichoke dip with its crisp and crumby cap, but lavosh or jicama sticks would have bettered the grilled flat bread (tough) and tortilla chips (overly oily) that came alongside. My shrimp lettuce cups were agreeable and made overtures toward health with tofu and red cabbage, but did the kitchen need to serve the filling in a fried won ton basket? Likewise, does the restaurant’s version of ‘ahi poke really need to come stacked between fried won ton sheets that bump the dish up to 47 grams of fat and 650 calories?

And these are just the appetizers, which are meant for divvying up amongst arteries. I never made it to any of the entres because I needed four stomachs just to try three appetizers. But what about the pages of steaks, ribs, chops, seafood, burgers, house favorites and entrÈe salads designed for one person? (I didn’t see any family style dining suggestions there).

Today’s diners have access to an increasing amount of information about our food and its sources and about the ways that our food choices affect both individual bodies and collective health. In the face of this knowledge, which anyone can find with a click of a mouse, our food choices unquestionably reflect our values. While you may feel otherwise, the offerings at Yard House do not reflect mine. I did my professional duty, and now I’m off to the gym.