Honolulu Weekly

New Uptown Fountain / You may have already concluded from my reviews of Jane’s Fountain and Bert’s CafÈ in this space that I have a true fondness for retro, family-owned, hole-in-the-wall spots. And I’m not alone among eaters; I know several foodies, some professional, others amateur, who are on a perpetual hunt for the delightfully dingy, cheap and obscure. ‘Why do you like these places?’ people wonder. Because when I’m three courses and three forks deep, surrounded by egotistical food, celebrity chefs, failed experiments on the plate and restaurant identity crises, sometimes all I want is a no-frills restaurant that’s comfortable in its own skin, one that knows what it is and what it has to offer. New Uptown Fountain is one such eatery that isn’t impressive food-wise but is refreshing in its unpretentious identity, from its exposed drywall ceiling to its beverage honor system.

As the name suggests, the restaurant is on the whole slightly more modern than its fountain and cafe counterparts, although Jane’s is just up the street and technically uptown from Uptown, which is on School and Liliha Streets. (I suppose the distinction between uptown and downtown is the freeway.) From the outside the restaurant’s name seems not inaccurate. The generous glass picture window boasts a new neon open sign and a modern yellow banner along with a stack of flat cardboard boxes from the week’s supplies that are likely to double as takeout trays. You can get saimin for the family to go in a Spam or Heineken box, or you can take a seat at one of four tables along the counter or five booths along the wall. The booths, upholstered in caramel vinyl, look like they’ve been redone in recent years, but for the trained restaurant archaeologist, the Formica booth tables date the place. The pattern is a light blue, almost faux denim cloth that an older diner explained was a popular mid-century design (the restaurant has been open for more than 40 years). Large decorative orange, yellow and green ice cream signs hang behind the counter, advertising cheery and idyllic flavors like Tooty Frutti, Orange Freckles, Toffee Sparkle, Chipper Cherry and Curli-Q; although a cone would make a nice meal ending, these are relics only as the restaurant no longer serves ice cream.

What it does serve is basic and satisfying food. For breakfast you can get a solidly prepared loco moco ($4.60), omelet with fried rice ($6.80) or French toast ($2.60). On the weekends, the kitchen gets more ambitious and turns out homemade biscuits ($0.75 each) and mini waffles ($1.35-$2.95).

Saimin anchors the lunchtime offerings along with wun tun min and unusual miso min variations ($2.65-$3.75). Ma-gee (Okinawan for very big) Saimin comes with lots of noodles, vegetables and three pieces of wun tun for $4.85, and for hungry diners the kitchen has already anticipated a favorite order and lists saimin and hamburger combos. One day the wun tun were good, and one day they were underfilled and quite doughy. The saimin noodles are always cooked perfectly, never overdone and arrive in bonito based broth with a float of green onions and slivers of luncheon meat. The homemade burger patties are charred on the outside and tender on the inside, with bits of onion and occasional tastes of garlic. The hamburger is bare buns: patty only, although bacon, cheese, teri or deluxe variations are available ($1.80-$3.35). You can also accessorize with BBQ sticks ($1.35) or miso soup with assorted goodies ($1.50-$3.80). Plate lunches featuring BBQ spareribs, pork chops with gravy and chicken curry ($5.30-$7.50) are available along with daily specials like liver with bacon and onions, saba and shrimp curry. You don’t often find salads other than macaroni at places like this, but here tossed salad with homemade Italian dressing is an option.

While the cash register is modern and the Coca-Cola clock is a replica, the appeal of a homestyle meal seems to be timeless. The clientele is less lingering than at other neighborhood spots (during the half hour I was there, at least 10 diners came in, took their seats, ate a quick lunch and left), and for those who can’t bother to sit down and eat, the restaurant prepares trays of ready-to-go grilled cheese sandwiches and spam musubi. But those who want a break from the congestion and self-consciousness of downtown–whether literal or metaphorical–should take the trip uptown. 

New Uptown Fountain

522 N. School St. (537-1881) Mon-Sat 6:15am-1pm; Sun 7am-1pm
Price Range: Nothing more than $7.50 on the menu
Recommended: loco moco, burgers, saimin
Payment: Cash Only