Carny-tion
Remember eating as much greasy food as you possibly could right before going on the Cyclone just to prove you wouldn’t pull a Sandlot from the top of The Whip? Well, now that you’re a little older and may not have as strong of a stomach as you once did, you still may want to down morsels of deep-fried goodness (wouldn’t really use the word “food” here)–just maybe not before hopping on The Zipper with a huge grin on your face and commanding your mom to watch you. But even when the lights go out and the rides are gone, there are still places in town that can take you back in time with merely one breaded bite or other mouthful of strangely textured food.
Churros
Whether or not you attempt to use the flimsy sheet of tissue paper to prevent an inevitable syrupy sugar coating on your hands and face, this crispy, cinnamon-sugary tube of dough is always fun to eat. You can pass it back and forth between friends like a cinnamon doobie or keep the mile-long pastry for yourself. Costco sells giant ones for merely a dollar. If you want more traditional churros–not as comically large–check out Los Chaparros, which serves several small, fresh pieces for $6. If you want to show off your deep-frying skills at home, pick up a packet of Tres Estrellas churro mix at Mercado de la Raza ($3.89).
Fried pickles and zucchini
Fried pickles are a salt fiend and pregnant woman’s dream. Salt deep-fried in fat, with a creamy dipping sauce, to boot, satisfies all sorts of weird and intense cravings. Hooters uses crinkle-cut slices and a buttermilk-like batter, giving the illusion of eating air-like treats. The Counter uses a breadcrumb coating on smooth slices, served with the institution’s famous horseradish mayo.
Slices too wimpy for you? Byron’s Drive-In fries whole spears and serves the bunch with a light, creamy sauce, all on a bed of shredded cabbage…that makes it a complete meal, right?
While zukes lack the briny pop of pickles, they can be included in the fun fare, too. Take a healthy vegetable, deep fry it–and it instantly becomes a member of the carnie club.
Bryon’s Drive-In serves big, round slices coated in panko with the same dipping sauce and bed of shredded cabbage the pickles come with. If you’re feeling cheesy, check out any The Shack location for zukes topped with parmesan cheese, complete with your choice of dipping sauce.
Dippin’ Dots
This 1988 creation was branded as the Ice Cream of the Future® (trademark!)–but wasn’t that astronaut ice cream? If the future meant and still means funny-feeling ice cream in your mouth (either in pellet or powder form), for some reason, the kids love it. Anyway, 22 years after the introduction of Dippin’ Dots to our palates, the cold pellets remain ubiquitous at zoos and amusement parks, waiting to be splattered across the ground by temper tantrums and an unwillingness to share. One question still remains about ice cream, though. What is the future of Ice Cream of the Future®?
Deep-fried Twinkies
Perhaps the motherload of carnival eats, deep-fried Twinkies are either the greatest food idea ever or the worst food idea ever. Take something that never seems to expire or get stale (kind of like a McDonald’s cheeseburger left at room temperature for 11 days) and not only add more oil to it, but, in the case of Byron’s Drive-In, drizzle it with chocolate syrup and put two Twinkies to a serving. And make them affordable ($3.25). Knowing that the drive-in is open 24 hours is also a bonus. Bonus: taking a cab to Byron’s at 3am is probably safer than heating a vat of oil at home after a night of drinking or Maui wowee.
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