Honolulu Weekly

As calendar editor at Honolulu Weekly, Margot Seeto knows where to find what she’s looking for. She also writes often about food in these pages and is a no-nonsense bartender to boot. Margot seemed a natural candidate to consider which establishments might best honor her last, last request.

Though terrifying to contemplate, the ritual of the last meal of the condemned celebrates, in its macabre fashion, the dimension of food as joie de vivre. And while cinema has fostered images of death row lobster or filet mignon, there’s at least one dish–the Hangtown Fry, a Gold Rush-era California dish–that’s said to owe its very existence to the gallows. As the story goes, those facing the noose would request an oyster-and-bacon scramble, knowing that the oysters would have to be brought in from the coast, thus buying them an extra day or two above ground.

Hawaii, without capital punishment, won’t put anyone through that dismal choice. I wonder, though–if I had to choose five last meals in Honolulu, would the choices change depending on the stakes? If the rules are to choose from Honolulu’s existing restaurants instead of bugging loved ones to cook a last roast pork shoulder dinner or make a signature salsa, where would I go? What would I choose if the world were to end in a week? What would I choose if I were merely leaving the Islands?

In contemplating the situation, I found that instead of going for the most exquisite places or the most exotic food, all of which I love, my choices gravitated toward food that has come to symbolize comfort, food that has come to capture the character of my everyday life.

Hole in the Wall

Is it possible to count three meals from this place as one? This small eatery never ceases to amaze with the care put into crafting even the seemingly simplest of meals. The never-ending willingness of owners Harrison and Kelli Lai to introduce new creative daily specials (and let customers sample works-in-progress) is a bonus on top of the generously portioned local classics. Choosing one dish is almost like choosing which one of your children can live. OK, it’s not that bad, but it’s agonizing enough. I’d go for a giant combination of fried chicken over mashed potatoes, the miso salmon with brown rice and tossed salad with house-made French dressing–and a “side” of the Hawaiian plate (everything!)–plus some fresh potato-mac salad!

J.J. Dolan’s

What started as good pizza has gotten much, much better since J.J.’s opened a few months ago. From the innovative specials to ideal proportions of toppings to the now-perfected crust, one would have hard time getting sick of this pie. Hot, cold, breakfast, dinner, late-night snack, work meeting fodder, whatever. The golden rule I’ve learned through the grueling task of choosing what to order here is that while all the offerings at J.J.’s are good, you need to go for the specials. Even if meatball and bleu cheese sounds like an odd marriage, trust the masterminds behind the creations. With a freshly pulled pint of Anchor Steam or any of the other specialty beers on tap, who wouldn’t leave Honolulu happy like this? The last J.J.’s meal: a pie with the smoked salmon combo on one half (with a squeeze of lemon) and the meatball, bleu cheese and barbecue sauce combo on the other.

Tamura’s

As much as the booze selection at Tamura’s can keep one distracted for hours, this store rises to the top of the list for the poke extravaganza it offers. Beyond the aisles of bottles, cheeses and chips, the small but varied poke counter sits like light at the end of the tunnel. Fresh, large-chunked, well-seasoned surprises greet you with every bite. The last Tamura’s poke meal: spicy ‘ahi, Tamura’s secret sauce ‘ahi and the tako limu poke. Presumably, treating Tamura’s like a restaurant would mean that any of its liquor offerings are open for the kill. Instead of beer this time, I would go for a bottle of Prosecco to complement the fish.

Murphy’s

Hot. Juicy. Burger. While I’m usually all for loading the meat up with fixings, the simple elegance of an unprecedented Murphy’s burger holds its own against those garnished with reduced sauces, aiolis, rare cheeses and fungi. At Murphy’s, all you need is the hot, thick, juicy, high-quality ground beef patty (medium rare, of course) garnished with a thick slice of a big robust tomato, crunchy slice of red onion and bold green leaf of lettuce. For the cheese, go for either cheddar or the Blarney Burger with Guinness cheese and Irish white cheddar. Put some crispy fries on the side and wash everything down with a light, creamy pint of Boddingtons to fade into food coma existence peacefully.

Zippy’s

While most have different preferences for independently owned diners, few other establishments have the same ring to their names as Zippy’s. Combine that with the gospel of Zippy’s chili and a convenient location near your residence available to you 24 hours a day, and you understand Zippy’s place as one to remember. A breakfast classic, the chili omelet with cheese with fried rice bears Hawaii style on your palate’s memory. Add a side of crispy hash browns, why not? Drizzle the plate with ketchup and Tabasco sauce for a salt-induced road to perdition. There’s nothing like a full stomach before going to sleep, whether for just a few hours or forever.

Kenny’s Hawaiian Express

After the club, eat late. Get home safe.