“He wants to see what the local people eat. He wants it down and dirty.” So says culinary luminary Alan Wong of his pal New York chef Anthony Bourdain, who hosts the roaming, gluttonous travelogue No Reservations, perhaps the most interesting food-based program on television. When Bourdain made a visit here in 2005, Wong showed off some of the down-home joints (Side Street Inn, Ono Hawaiian Foods) that make Honolulu unique. When we asked where he’d take Bourdain on a repeat visit, Wong took things a step further–and closer to the source.

We’d take a boat trip to Kauai. I’d take him up the Na Pali coast on a Zodiac, just because it’s a beautiful place. We hope it’s a calm day, so we can go into some sea caves. Then we go out to Niihau. We won’t go on shore, but we take him diving with a spear. Plenty fish off Niihau. We’d go diving for ‘opihi. It’s been a while since I’ve been out there for it. Then we’d go to my friend’s house and cook ‘em up and show Tony what the local folks eat there on Kauai. Maybe we’d stop by the salt pond at Hanapepe, and pick up some salt, too

I’d also take him to the Big Island. I’d take him on a farm tour, which is something we also do for our staff. We’d go see Dick and Heather Threlfall at Hawaii Island Goat Dairy play with the goats.

We’d head over to Hamakua Mushrooms, Bob and Janice Stanga, and talk story with them. Down the road we’d go visit Richard Ha at Hamakua Springs. That’s where we get out beautiful tomatoes from. And then as we continue into Hilo, I’d take Tony to the Hilo Farmers Market. Then we’re gonna curve up the volcano and see Roy Tanaka. He’s got a tilapia farm in the middle of the boonies. Pick up some tilap. Tony loves this shit.

We’d go visit the scientist Kevin Hopkins who’s trying to raise tuna–and he’s already raising sturgeon–in Hilo at the former wastewater treatment plant there. What they did, is the big round structures where they used to house the wastewater are abandoned now, and these scientists are working at raising tuna there. Maybe they’ll give us a sturgeon like they did last time.

Then we’ll visit Francis Zee [of the U.S. Department of Agriculture] who has every plant and tree imaginable. And then we’d go Kulana Foods, and go get a wild boar that’s been fed on macadamia nuts. This is going to be a pig that was raised on papaya and corn by [local farmer] Raymond Ohara. He catches on his macadamia farms. Then he feeds them and raises them. We’ll get one for Tony.

Then down to Kau and I’d arrange a coffee tasting for them. They’re getting worldwide publicity. They place in the top 10 internationally. We serve a lot of Kau…this year’s Number Seven is from Bull Kailiawa. I was his first customer. I picked this coffee a few years ago and now it’s Number Seven in the world. We arrange for growers Laurie Obra and Will and Grace Tabios and all the other growers and we’d have a great big coffee thing with some Punaluu Bakery bread.

And then we’d go back to Richard’s farm and cook it all up, everything we’d gathered all day, throw back some beers and booze and have a barbecue.

Hulas