Honolulu Weekly

Sun, sand and surf notwithstanding, this may be what makes us us. Whether it’s in uncle’s backyard or out on the town, Honolulu loves to hang out. Here are your favorites.

Best Sunday party spot that isn’t named after a legendary Surfer

The Shack

Much aloha to Duke’s, but there’s got to be something closer to home, right? Turns out there is: all over the island. The Shack, with its dark woods, cheap drinks and ambivalent relationship to violence may just be the quintessential Oahu bar. With locations in Hawaii Kai, Enchanted Lake, Mililani and Waikiki, it’s also our readers’ favorite place for party when the work week looms but the weekend isn’t pau. Just steer clear of the bouncers.

Friendliest pau hana environment

thirtyninehotel

Four years ago, as the Chinatown nightlife scene was just getting off the ground, we cast a skeptical eye. We thought there was way too much talk about keeping up with London, New York and L.A., to the point that some of the area entreprenuers seemed like they had maybe more to prove than to provide.

Shows what we know. Gelareh Khoie and her partners at thirtyninehotel have created what turned out to be the definitive Honolulu nightspot of this decade. It was Khoie, in fact, who made us wonder with all those references to the global nightlife capitols. Did she have a chip on her shoulder? Um, no. As it turns out, the folks in those big cities could learn a thing or two from her approach to creating space. It’s not so much that thirtynine oozes urban sophistication, though it’s definitely hip and then some. The achievement here is the feeling that everyone is truly welcome. Visit sometime when it’s not First Friday–Hawaiian music on Wednesday evenings is a good place to start–and see for yourself.

Best place for a bachelorette party

Oceans 808

Nothing like living out your last single days at one of the biggest meat markets on the island. It’s large enough so that you and your girlfriends can go wild without attracting too much attention. Or feel free to rub elbows with any of the packs of males that roam.

The club pretty much has what you would want at any party: drinks, pupu and live entertainment at select times. With multiple bars, feel free to take one over with the ladies. Party until 4am and tell the hubby-to-be not to wait up for you.

You said: “Convent of the Sacred Heart.”

Best place for a bachelor party

Club 939

What’s the percentage of strip club regulars that is made up of repressed gay men? 50 percent? More?

You said: “Your mom’s house.”

Best place to bring visitors to show them a taste of the “real” Hawaii

The North Shore

Yeah, the North Shore has changed over the years, and yes, the “go home haole” attitude is pretty weird when coming from mainland transplants (hear that, Kauai Liberation Front?), but there’s something immortal about the North Shore. The backyard paina gatherings, the sense that it’s always an easy Sunday, even during gridlock traffic, and there’s nothing quite like Ke Iki to bring out the keiki in you. And even in the summertime, when the ocean is like a lake, you can sense the giant swells lurking somewhere out there in the northern future.

Best place to forget you live on a small island in the middle of the ocean

Ala Moana

The open air shopping experience may not exactly make you feel like you’re in New York during the winter, but the presence of enough high fashion stores, decent restaurants and even a nightclub make the ever-expanding mall a center of city happening. Besides, since when does seeing giant Abercrombie & Fitch posters of haoles remind you of Hawaii, anyway?

You Said: Punahou School

Best place for a keiki party

Chuck E. Cheese

Where a kid can be a kid. This means getting amped up on bottomless soda and mediocre pizza to play “Any game, any time. Just one token. That’s 25-cent fun.” Why kids love the combination of games and pseudo pizza is still a mystery. But it seems to be a time-tested combo that gets their yah-yahs out. So here’s to Chuck E.

You said: That magical place that is away from adults trying to enjoy themselves

Best (hostess-free) karaoke

Krazy Karaoke

With several supplemental songbooks containing Top 40 hits of recent months, as well as a sizeable Broadway musical collection, one can pepper in Lady Gaga, Hannah Montana and “Rent” songs amongst the classic renditions of “Bohemian Rhapsody,” “Love Shack” and, ahem, “Wannabe.” Bring a cooler full of beers and pupu and you’ll truly put the “k” in “krazy.”

You said: Your shower

Best cougar habitat

Rumours

People always joke about how Rumours is the nightclub for those of the more mature persuasion. For a sun-drenched place like Hawaii, this also means leathery hides and inappropriately plunged necklines–for both the ladies and gents. And maybe some thrown-out backs from too much ’80s grooving. For the younger folk, look at the positives: The ladies are on the prowl, swathed in cheetah and zebra print clothing and ready to shower you with drinks and red nail scratches, among other things. Can you handle it? Try and find out. Carefully weigh in on whether or not to mention the fact that you weren’t even born when they when they ask if you remember when LBJ was president.

You said: “In their den, away from innocent prey.”

Best place to find yourself at last call

At home

When you think you can handle just one more and actually end up passing out face-down with a full drink still standing, no one will shake you awake and throw you out. You’re already home. Hell, you can do the same in your underwear and no one will care–roommates are maybe an exception, but what choice do they have? As for those in the service industry, sometimes popping a cold one in your living room after a tiring and sweaty shift is preferable to hitting up the 4am bars for double tequila shots with your coworkers. Getting old is a bitch, but that doesn’t mean your last drink of the night has to be.

You said: “In bed, in the arms of a hot chick.”

Editors’ Pick: Best place for a lady to drink alone without getting harassed:

The mall

One might think a gay bar would be safe. But even Hula’s, with its friends-of-Dororthy-dominated scene, will see women being pulled onto the dance floor and asked to shake it, sister (granted, usually to their surprised delight). In addition, some straight guys have grown hip to the fact that straight women go to gay bars to avoid sleaze bags. “I’m just here for my friend. I’m not gay. Really.” Whatever you say, buddy. So where to go? Try shopping around the mall with a soda purchased from the food court spiked with liquor from mini bottles you scored from ABC. No one will ask if you “come here often” while sipping away from your Sbarro cup. This is only, of course, if you’re not driving. Plan to shop ’til you drop (sober up) before heading home.