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It Can Happen To You: Stupid Ways To Go

Waterfalls are both beautiful and dangerous. High in more sense than one, people drawn to dive end up hurt, paralyzed or dead. But waterfall swims are hazardous, too. Not only do they expose you to water-borne disease and parasites, but to flash floods and dislodged rock and debris. Even the hiking is sketchy, as evidenced by tourists who recently plunged to their deaths while searching for falls in Kauai. The lucky twist ankles and get ear infections. But five have died at Kipu Falls in the recent past, many have gone missing at the Seven Sacred Pools over the years and a rockfall at Sacred Falls in 1999 killed eight and injured 50.

Blowholes exert a similar fatal attraction. Snapshots from a holiday gone wrong: a man lies across Halona Blowhole. A man leans over and looks down inside. A boy wades in the waters pooled around an entrance. So, what do you get when you put the male gender and a blowhole together? A Darwin Award? (Meanwhile, the families are suing the state.) Take a picture, not a risk.

Lava makes some people go gaga. The eruption of Kilauea is a marvelous sight to behold, as long as that fiery lava doesn’t end up cooking you, hitting you with an eruption-flung rock, collapsing the ground beneath your feet or spewing gasses that send your lungs into spasm. It seems so obvious. Yet there are those who, down where Pele greets the sea, just have to get closer, closer, closer…

Riding in the bed of a pickup truck is the most common and, in my book, absolutely least excusable cause of injury and death in the Islands. The other morning we followed three long-haired beauties riding with their backs to the tailgate, while a smiling Dad drove them at 40 mph down busy Beretania. If the gate fell open, or if he had to stop and someone rear-ended him, or if he swerved and hit a curb and overturned, those girls could’ve ended up dead or paralyzed. So stupid and pointless. But, you know, we love our trucks. More than our keiki, evidently.

THE CREEPIEST WAYS TO GO (ALL OF WHICH HAVE INDEED HAPPENED)

Rat Lungworm Disease: Raw food enthusiasts, hippies and vegans may feel singled out by this, an affliction worthy of Edgar Allan Poe, which comes of accidentally eating slug and snail slime trails on unwashed lettuce, vegetables and papaya. So much for dining straight from the garden! The culprit? Rats, which host and excrete parasitic roundworm eggs, and snails and slugs, which carry around the evolving worms which, when you eat them, swim to your brain. Can we get an OMG? Nine people were infected last year, most on the Big Island.

Falling in the Ala Wai: When a main sewer line broke in 2006, then-Mayor Mufi Hannemann ordered the flow directed into the canal, which already had high bacterial counts and no tidal flush or filtration system. Authorities tried to hide the size of the 48-million-gallon spill, but after a man who fell into the canal died, by all accounts horribly, the cat was out of the bag. Though there was a clean-up, you won’t catch me paddling my canoe there after a rain.

Flesh-eating strep and antibiotic-resistant staph: Yes, Hawaii had its very own case of that favorite of The National Enquirer and the poor victim had no preconditions. Drug-resistant staph is more prevalent, increasingly found in hospitals and among sports teams and in locker rooms. The locus of infection centers is around nicks and turf burns and the usual sport-culture intimacies. The real culprit is promiscuous prescription of antibiotics for the last 30 years, as well as their use in animal feed. Go organic, avoid artificial turf, shower alone and don’t trade towels or socks.

Leptospirosis: Hawaii leads the US in this bacterial infection, usually acquired while swimming in fresh or brackish water. (Yes, those waterfalls again.) Animal urine is the culprit. Symptoms are like a bad flu and fatalities are rare, but documented.

New Disease On the Block: Surfers last winter reported several mystery disorders. One particularly vicious fever and infection put my neighbor in the ICU in a coma for 10 days after a four-hour rainy day session; my wife ended up in the ER. Whether it’s tiger sharks or disease, the advice is the same: Stay out of the water after it rains.

PARADISE OF DEATH-TRAPS!

Nobody wants a nanny state, but at the same time, Hawaii’s extreme or adventure attractions are basically unregulated. For the right price the state will give operators a piece of paper, but it doesn’t mean anybody actually cares enough to check up.

Waikiki Trolley: These have no seatbelts, and nothing between riders and a crash. Because most riders are Japanese, we never hear about most mishaps. But an elderly man was killed this year–flung off–giving a preview of more disasters waiting to happen.

Helicopter Tours: This November, a helicopter crashed in Molokai, killing all five aboard, and nearly missing an elementary school. Be honest: Were you surprised? In 19 years chopper accidents have killed more than 40 people here. Why? Helicopter tours are unregulated, for one thing. Anyone with a certified pilot and chopper can get into the business of ferrying tourists to their deaths. Overpacked schedules accommodate honeymooners who want to ensure that they’ll never look a day older than this, the happiest week of their short happy lives. But even if the FAA stepped in, they couldn’t change our treacherous Hawaii conditions.

Ultra-Light Flying and Para-Sailing: I remember my 75-year-old grandfather’s story of being dragged face-first over the reef and shallows when his tow-boat couldn’t accelerate fast enough. Grandpa was a tough hombre, but still… it’s a wonder anyone would consider doing this. Same for those cliff-defying pterodactyls you see skimming the heights. Motorcyles, mopeds, skateboards: No nagging. Just don’t stick your next of kin with the hospital and ER costs. Get yourself insured.

Ziplines and bungee jumping: Be my guest. Just don’t, you know, lose your head when the stoned 19-year-old dropout to whom you just entrusted your life gets the math wrong.

Scuba Tours: All you need to know was in that movie of a few years ago: although someone has the job of doing a head count, gosh, sometimes they forget. The worst culprits are mass introductory dive packages, called “cattleboats,” operating under time pressure described as “fast and furious.” That’s a description from the one that left a Japanese tourist to die off Waikiki.

Party Boats: Another disaster waiting to happen is those tourists boats that head out every sunset. Not the small catamarans that skirt the reef, and not bona fide cruise ships, although I have nothing good to say about them on cultural and aesthetic grounds. But the proliferation of larger party boats is worthy of scrutiny, because when an accident happens, it usually is catastrophic–witness the 20 senior citizens who drowned when a Lake George, NY party boat capsized in calm weather in 2005. As an old salt who’s taken his share of booze cruises in ports all over the world, I’m not afraid to generalize: Most of these mid-size party boats are unfit to go to sea.

WORST BEACH ODDS

Powerful surf, nasty shorebreak, bad currents and lonely stretches without lifeguards or emergency responders make these our most dangerous beaches. Source: Natural Hazards, The Environment, and Our Communities.

• Sandy’s

• Hanakapiai

• Lumahai

• Makena

• DT Fleming

• Hapuna

• Magic Sands



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This week

2013 Summer Books

On a breezy May evening, in the courtyard of the state library, local publishers, writers and book designers gathered to celebrate the 2013 Ka Palapala Pookela Awards, sponsored by the Hawaii Book Publishers Association. The place was packed, and I was struck by such a healthy showing for an industry whose demise has been predicted since before the advent of Amazon.

Unlikely Pairings

I was intrigued recently to channel surf upon a deft interview of Susanna Moore on PBS Hawaii. Moore is the nationally acclaimed author of nine books, perhaps best known for her luminous My Old Sweetheart and other Hawaii novels, as well as the rough-sex 2004 noir In the Cut.

A Long Lost Era

Kabuki Boy, a novel, reads almost like an autobiography filled with vivid details that transport us to 19th-century Japan during the “Tokugawa Era.” Fast-paced and humorous, it aptly dramatizes an ancient dramatic art. The hierarchy between the social classes of samurai, geisha, peasants and monks comes alive from the page, seen through the eyes of Myo, a young boy aspiring to become a kabuki actor.

Panek Point

Calling this big fat novel Hawaii was bound to raise eyebrows. Hey, come run to the schoolyard to watch Mark Panek throw down!

Inward Journey

Beautifully designed, with outstanding photography of India and Tibet by Linda Connor, the newest edition of Manoa is especially ambitious in its choice of subject/theme. It attempts to present diverse interpretations of the meanings and implications of the term “freedom,” doing so in the forms of fiction, essays, poetry, memoir and drama.

Gardens

This new book of poetry is easy to read, yet I had all kinds of strange dreams after reading it. The poems are short but poignant–a lot of thought and crafting went into every well-placed word.

Brotherly Tears

When the young narrator, Landon DeSilva, of Tyler Miranda’s novel Ewa Which Way, watches an episode of “Leave It To Beaver,” he sees a family whose idea of discipline is a father and son discussion without “head cracks” or “cuss words.” In the episode, Eddie Haskell and Wally Cleaver talk about the Beaver’s highjinks, and Landon’s friend says, “just like your brudda . .

Community

In a poetry class I teach at Windward Community College, a student recently did a presentation on coming-out poems and presented her own. One of her peers asked a thoughtful question: “If you are a gay, are you automatically part of the gay community?” It’s a question I’ve had about being Asian American–and a poet.

Cruelty

In Wing Tek Lum’s poem “The Red Circle,” a sergeant teaches his soldiers how to use a bayonet during Japan’s infamous occupation of Nanjing, China in 1937: “With a nub of red chalk / our sergeant marks off / a crude circle in the center / of the chest.” The men are instructed to stab everywhere, except the heart. A quick death would be too kind–too merciful.

Wit

“We are selves in a world because we have words,” writes the late poet Tony Quagliano in the preface of his book, Language Matters. In this masterful collection, every line absorbs the reader into the writer’s world, revealing his intimate thoughts on politics, writing, Hawaii and life.

The Romance of Sunset

A sort of team anthology, Sunset Inn: Tales from the North Shore is a collection of fiction, poetry and a play published by the Aloha Romance Writers, who admittedly chose–over margaritas and Mexican food–the conceit of a colonial-style seaside inn, described in Patrice Wilson’s poem “This Haven” as “white as salt” and “bleached coral in the sea,” as a central setting for their book. Like the landscape and the building, the collection holds stories of love found, lost and always remembered, some of which are based in Hawaii history and some from a contemporary eye, but all adhering to the familiar elements of the romance genre and the romantic.

Love Lore

In Huna Magic: The Hawaiian Odyssey, Dawn Star puts on a modern spin on Hawaiian mythology and folklore. Set in ancient Hawaii, the book starts off with the classic forbidden love story between a young woman, Kuulei ke Anuenue and a handsome man, Kai, who happens to be the chiefess’s love slave.

Reassembling

The reader weary of cutesy novels with multiple story lines that are obviously going to be inextricably tied together, somehow, might not want to venture too far into Darien Gee’s The Avalon Ladies Scrapbooking Society. But if it’s comfort food for the brain you’re after, you’d be missing out.

Green Noir

Set in Hawaii, Saving Paradise, Mike Bond’s sixth detective novel, tells a passable if unevenly written story featuring one Pono Hawkins, a Special Forces vet (Afghanistan), celebrated international surfer and correspondent for ocean magazines. He also insinuates himself into the woes of others, in this case a beautiful young thing whose lifeless body bumps into Hawkins as he goes surfing at dawn.

Decolonizing Our Future

Confucius said, “If your plan is for one year, plant rice; if your plan is for 10 years, plant trees; if your plan is for 100 years, educate children.” The philosopher’s sagacious message seems to align with the alternative approach to education seen in Hawaii’s charter school system. Noelani Goodyear-Kaopua’s The Seeds We Planted is an ethnography articulating the establishment, growth, and success of Halau Ku Mana, one of the few Hawaiian culture-based charter schools in Honolulu.

Navigating Selves

Leilani Holmes’s richly chronicled journey toward a reconnection with her Kanaka Maoli culture opens with the epigraph: “For those who came before us. In hopes that we act on behalf of your bones.” Ancestry of Experience is a thoroughly researched and deeply genealogical journey.

Think Pink

There’s something foreboding about the cover of Pink Globalization. It’s a dark, monochromatic picture of an enormous grey Hello Kitty gazing ominously into the night in front of a corporate-looking building. The picture is certainly intriguing and symbolic–Hello Kitty is taking over the world.

Hardships, Loneliness, Triumphs

A deeply researched and careful weaving of previously unheard voices can be found in Mai Lepera, adding another layer about leprosy patients exiled to settlements at Makanalua peninsula in the 19th century. Keri A.

Transcending Prejudice

If resiliency spoke of a group of people, the Japanese population of the then-Territory of Hawaii during World War II claims the description. With one specific attack on December 7, 1941, an island-wide prejudice against all immigrant Japanese was born, painting a picture of angry nationals who plotted Hawaii’s demise.

Mano

An ambitious, immensely rewarding product of nearly five decades’ research and teaching (beginning when the author was l3 years old), Patrick Vinton Kirch’s A Shark Going Inland is my Chief bids fair to be a definitive, almost exhaustive look at “the island civilization of ancient Hawaii.” Divided into three major parts, Shark starts with Cook’s arrival when Hawaii was four major kingdoms in the midst of creating stratified societies.Kirch deals with religion, evolving social structures and belief systems to make ancient Hawaii come alive. Especially noteworthy are beautiful descriptions of the making of canoes, particularly the vaka moana, capable of transporting families.

Charts for the Band

Music stores abound with compilations of “50 Favorite Songs” for everything from jazz to the Beatles to Bach. Now it’s time for the mid-20th century music of Hawaii.

Racism of Record

Compiled by Christopher LaVoie, Annexation! presents the imperialist agendas of the U.S.

Charting Our Ancestral Past

Hawaiki Rising by Sam Low tells the epic saga of voyaging on the Hokulea, which, as every Island schoolchild should know, is a traditionally constructed Hawaiian sailing vessel that is steered by observing natural elements, without instruments or maps. Low, a part-Hawaiian anthropologist who participated in three voyages, follows the Hokulea through conception, construction, and navigation.

From the Outside

The feeling of being an outsider in one’s beloved homeland is the theme underpinning Pamela Frierson’s fluid and honest nature writing. In her books, The Last Atoll: Exploring Hawaii’s Endangered Ecosystems and The Burning Island: Myth and History in Volcano Country, Hawaii, Frierson explores Hawaii’s unique ecosystems, while also searching for personal relevance where she grew up very aware of being merely a “second-generation colonist.” The shadows of a world unknown drive the writer, teacher and homesteader to attach to the landscape, pursuing a deeper understanding of Hawaii’s natural order, and, through those experiences, a sense of belonging.

Bearded beauties

Donald Hodel’s Loulu: The Hawaiian Palm is winner of this year’s Ka Palapala Award for Excellence in Natural Science. Loulu the Hawaiian Palm Donald R.

Missed Connections

Charlotte A. Tomaino, neuropsychologist and former nun, started with the intriguing concept of explaining how grace and spirituality can “awaken” the brain to a fuller potential through expanded consciousness.

The Naked Truth

Sharon Hicks’ How Do You Grab a Naked Lady recounts the relationship between Hicks, her mentally ill mother and idealist father. We meet Hicks at age 16 as she witnesses her mother parading around a mall in the buff, yelling and cursing–one of many manic episodes we’ll see during the book.

Last Train to Ho’opili?

One paradox of TheLast Train to Zona Verde, Paul Theroux’s 46th book and his latest about Africa, is that it’s also one of the best meditations on Hawaii you’ll ever read. But first, why Africa?

Every Reader for Himself

Confirming rumors, Barnes & Noble’s (B&N) Kahala Mall bookstore will close when its lease expires in January 2014. There are no current reports concerning B&N’s Ala Moana location, but it’s probably a matter of when, not if, management installs a T-shirt store.

Island Girl

Last weekend, Susanna Moore was in town to read from her new novel, The Life of Objects. A striking beauty–high cheekbones, fine features, long white hair with an inky streak that matches her brilliant black eyes–she wore a sleeveless blouse, full cotton skirt and rubber slippers.

A Traveling Light

We were out at Tongg’s surf break when the world’s best-traveled writer paddled past in a kayak. I said, “Paul Theroux?” Mindy nodded.

CIVIX

KAKAAKO MEETINGS The HCDA will host a series of meetings to discuss the Kakaako redevelopment plan and how rail will fit in with those plans. The meetings are open to the public.

Make Our Day

On May 13, Common Cause Hawaii assembled a panel, titled “The Good, the Bad and the Ugly,” to deconstruct lessons from the recently ended 2013 Legislative Session. Commentators included Rep.

Homeless Plan

Mayor Caldwell is winding down his public town-hall meetings campaign. The meetings are designed to update the public on the progress of the Mayor’s major first-year initiatives: repaving the roads, getting TheBus routes restored, making the city’s parks beautiful, fixing Honolulu’s sewer infrastructure, building rail better and, most recently, solving homelessness.

Pacific Pivot

During a 2011 speech to the Australian Parliament, President Obama declared: “The United States will play a larger and long term role in shaping [the Pacific] region and its future.” On May 10, the Center for Strategic and International Studies (CSIS) Pacific Forum hosted a panel discussion that sought to determine what a U.S. “pivot” toward the region would look like and what the reaction to increased U.S.

The homeless experience

I picked up your May 15 issue with great anticipation because on the cover was a photo of a person experiencing homelessness who I have had numerous interactions with (“Derelict Downtown,” May 15). He is someone I have always found to be articulate and friendly–an ideal person to talk to if one wishes to learn about experiencing homelessness.

Hawaiian rights

The puppetmasters controlling the creation of the Hawaiian Nation have manipulated Hawaiians who have signed up for any Hawaiian registry to become captive members of Kanaiolowalu, the Native Hawaiian Roll Commission. Those bills were heard this session and were passed by the Senate in the Tourism and Hawaiian Affairs Committee chaired by Brickwood Galuteria and the Judiciary and Labor Committe chaired by Clayton Hee, although the forced enrollment is unconstitutional.

Money over land

The Land Use Commission, the Honolulu Planning Commission, the Zoning Variance Commissions and all the other BS commissions are hijacked by big business (“Hoopili Miss,” May 15). Judge Rhonda Nishimura’s head is buried in the sand if she doesn’t recognize the votes were bought.

Cinema for all

I try to not miss a Redford film, and, of course, I can relate to events of the ’60s (“Last Round-Up,” May 8). It is disappointing that The Company You Keep is being shown only at Kahala Theatre.

Tea time

Aloha, I am Elyse. Please let me know if you have any questions, I would love to answer them (“Just Our Cup of Tea,” May 15).

Corrections

In last week’s “Derelict Downtown” (May 15), we mistakenly listed Kirk Caldwell’s campaign phone number. To contact the Mayor, please call 768-4141.